Dear Obesity...

Dear Obesity,

There is honestly nothing dear about you... We first met at my birth. I was over 9lbs. Big baby! We continued our "friendship" throughout my childhood. I was cute, chubby, but not yet obese.

You started to rear your ugly head in about 2nd grade. You showed your red flags. I didn't know yet that you would be abusive. It started slowly. At first, you made my peers laugh at me and call me names. You started to isolate me.

Then you made me feel like a ton of bricks when my family couldn't carry me around anymore. They told me I was a big girl. Back then I thought it meant "grown up" but now I know I was wrong. As more time went on you made me feel insecure and weak. You made me think I was the problem. I wasn't... YOU were.

You cheated me. Robbed me of confidence and sense of self. I hid behind many masks as a young kid. Big frumpy clothes was a big defense for me. I hid you because I was ashamed of you. My shame only fed you and made you stronger. You stole away my summers. I never wanted to wear a bathing suit. Even in camp, the pool was torture. I believe everyone was staring at me, mocking me, mocking you...

My family tried to save me from you by sending me to fat camp. It helped in a way. You still controlled my body but I got back my mind. I found the confidence you snatched away from me all those years ago. I no longer looked at the floor when I walked through the crowds at school. I no longer wore baggy clothes and started to try new styles. As hard as I tried to overcome you... I failed... So many times I failed...

Things were a little better in high school. I didn't let you stop me from making friends or playing sports or even the occasional date. But you still continued to make things rough. People still made fun of me. You made me a doormat. I did everything for everyone. I had to work harder to make friends because you made it so hard for people to even want to give me a shot.

At the age of 16 you started to gain control again. Remember, it was the day you stopped me from riding the roller coaster. I gave up a big part of me to you that day. You took my BF next when he told me he no longer found me attractive. You stole my prom away from me. My date was a female friend. You took away my comfort every time I sat down to eat in public, every time I looked at a chair or a booth or a bathroom stall. You robbed me of the freedom of doing all the things my friends did because you instilled in me a fear that told me I couldn't.

The worst came when I met my now ex-husband... thanks a lot for that btw... You robbed my marriage blind for years. You made me wear a machine over my face each night when I went to bed. You stole from me 2502 nights that I could never sleep in his arms. You stole from me... the abilty to cook him dinner and the ability to clean our house. But there was nothing worse then you stealing away my ability to give him a child.

As much as you stole from me, the worst part of it all... I completely let you... Eventually my ex got tired of being robbed and so did I.

I made the decision then and there you wouldn't be allowed to control me anymore. You wouldnt tell me not to walk there, sit in that chair, get on that amusement park ride, talk to that guy, buy that dress, go to the beach or anything else you never allowed me to do. You are no longer allowed to make me feel bad or ugly or shameful. I now know that I am beautiful and worthy of more then you ever allowed me to have. So good bye obesity. I am taking the keys and getting in the drivers seat of my own life. FOR GOOD!!
 
Since I've let you go, I've walked... the Brooklyn Bridge and the runway. I've rode the roller coasters in Las Vegas and Coney Park. I've spoken to that guy... and that one and that one too, while wearing that dress on the beach! With all this new found control over my life... who knows what I'll do next!
 
xoxo
SleevePixie
 

To "Be Drunk" or To "Feel Good"

Happy Monday all! I hope you had a pleasant weekend. I know I have been keeping busy with all the new things I have in the works but I have also been doing a lot of reading on various WLS forums that I am a part of. I know it's been a while since I've blogged but today, I just felt the need to ask a question.

Transfer addiction post weight loss surgery has been a hot topic for sometime now. Possibly years... I have seen it, I had a breif affair with it, I have recovered from it. However, in the past month or so, it seems like all the rage. Between a dear friend of mine, Melting Mama, talking about it on ABC's Nightline to the countless youtube videos you can find on post-ops having alcohol issues to the need for another dear friend of mine, Connie Stapleton, PhD along with her partner Cari De La Cruz, to be hosting a webinar on it.

I just wanted to throw something out there... Many say that they find they "want to drink". Wanting to drink does NOT mean you have a problem with alcohol. It does not make you an alcoholic it doesn't even necessarily mean you have a problem. While I am not justifying behaviors or giving anyone a rational to continue what you may personally feel is an unhealthy behavior in your life, but I have to ask...

Is the desire you have... the desire to "be drunk" or to "feel good"?

There is a major difference. It is completely normal and healthy to want to feel good. As formerly obese people, we have used food for a long time to feel good. Make no mistake about it. There is a chemical transaction occurring in our brain every time we eat carbs and sugar. Our pleasure receptors are triggered and happy hormones released. Food makes our brain happy. We have become so accustomed to feeling happy from outside sources that we may have forgotten or possibly never learned what it means to find happiness from within.

On the other hand, wanting to "be drunk" to "forget" to "quiet emotions" is an unhealthy state to exist in. If these are the feelings you associate with alcohol, or any other substance for that matter, you are heading down a slippery slope that will lead to no where good.

As with anything, I have always said, you must know yourself. Sit down today and think about where your motivations lie. If you truly believe you are in an unhealthy place and on that road to no where good, perhaps it is time to seek help. You are not alone. There are many others who are feeling the exact same way you do. There are anonymous/closed groups on facebook that you can go to for more support. There are groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Narcotics Anonymous (NA) and others in your area you can attend that you may find helpful or you may need more help like a therapist or inpatient, detox or out patient treatment.

You may want to start by attending the webinar mentioned above! For more information on the webinar, check out this video.

If you would like some help finding local support in your area or on facebook, comment below or send me an e-mail at SleevePixie@gmail.com.

You are not alone!
xoxo
Sleeve Pixie

Things To Do Instead Of Eating!

Have you ever been so bored all you could do was think about food? Ever wish those thoughts would just go away!

Well here is a list of 60 things you can do to take your mind off of food!

1. Call a friend, your sponsor, a support person, anyone who you can talk to who will either get your mind off of food, or someone to talk to about whatever it is that you might be feeling.

2. Go for a brisk walk

3. Meditate or listen to a hypnosis or guided visualization download.

4. Give yourself a manicure/pedicure– can’t binge with wet nails.

5. Volunteer at the ASPCA to walk dogs or pet cats.

6. Watch a funny movie at home.

7. Take a shower, give yourself a hot oil treatment, shave your legs, tweeze your brows– self care time.

8.) Get organized sort out your bills, create a budget– organize your home. Often getting organized can help you feel more in control and enable you to thwart a binge, which can often feel very out of control.

9. Draw, paint or color.

10. Knit, crochet or do needlepoint

11. Take a nap

12. Get out of your house and into your car, go to the beach, the lake, the park… somewhere pretty and relaxing.

13. Clean out your closet, donate your old clothes or sell them on eBay.

14. Read a good book.

15. Put on music and dance it out. Go out dancing. Call your friends over and have a dance party.

16. Go to the gym. Stretch, go to a yoga class, do a yoga DVD or an exercise or yoga class on On Demand cable. Move! Do jumping jacks, run in place, anything to move a little energy and release some tension.

17. Take a relaxing bath with nice bath salts or essential oils.

18. Write in your journal

19. Scream into a pillow.

20. Go to an OA or EDA meeting, either online, in person, or on the phone.

21. Go to an online support forum with other people dealing with eating issues. www.obesityhelp.com www.facebook.com (The LIOS group, many other supportive groups for WLS on fb)

22. Read a magazine

23. Write a blog! Read a blog!

24. Chat with friends on facebook or update your facebook profile. Twitter!

25. Sing!

26. Get your hair done or do your own hair. Experiment with different styles, curling iron, flat iron, curlers, etc.

27. Make cards for people, catch up on Thank You notes, send out notes to relatives you haven’t spoken to or seen in a long time. Not the ones that stress you out and make you want to reach for your old friends Ben and Jerry.

28. Go out and take photos.

29. Play video games or facebook games

30. Write and direct a short play with stuffed animals or Barbie dolls or action figures or your pets or sock puppets and videotape it to put on youtube.

31. Smell lavender

32. Pick flowers

33. Garden

34. Create a collage

35. Go bowling, play pool, play golf or miniature golf, play basketball, hit tennis balls, go to a batting cage, go for a swim.

36. Scrapbook

37. Write an angry letter to whomever you are holding anger at. You don’t have to send it, just let it out. Afterwards, put it somewhere safe. You might let go of some emotions that you’d been stuffing and you might find that you no longer have the urge to binge.

38. Go through old pictures

39. Cuddle with your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, daughter, son, cat, dog, teddy bear, etc.

40. Do karaoke, you can either go out to do it, or do it at home with friends.

41. Play music! If you play an instrument, whip it out and start playing. If not, teach yourself to play one. Beat on some bongos, ping a triangle, strum a guitar, whatever is convenient to you. If nothing, make an instrument out of household objects and play it.

42. Catch up on your emails

43. Learn a new language!

44. Write a letter to your future self, about what you’re going through right now.

45. Write some notes with positive messages and post them around your home or get out of the house and put them up in dressing rooms, public restroom mirrors, restaurants, etc

46. Make a list of why you rock. Think about what’s great about you. Can’t think of those things? Call someone who loves you and ask them to tell you.

47. Light candles and incense and relax

48. Explore your neighborhood or town. Go to local museums or art galleries.

49. Call a friend or relative who has been unhappy lately and needing some support. Sometimes giving support can be incredibly heartening and also supports the supporter.

50. Use crayons to color hard! This can release tension.

51. Search through your couch and house for change! Put everything you can in a jar and put it aside to start a fund for yourself as a motivator in your journey. Every time you reach a milestone, you can buy yourself something fun, like a new pair of shoes, or some jewelry or new CD, or whatever you like within reason.

52. Roll on your back. This is a spinal massage that helps you to feel relaxed and rejuvenated.

53. Read positive affirmations.

54. Write out your intentions or personal goals for yourself for the week. Write out both long term and short term goals- things that you are striving for and ways to help you get there.

55. Throw a temper tantrum! Go into your bedroom, lay on your stomach in your bed and scream into your pillow while you kick your legs and punch your hands into the bed. Ever see kids do this? They expend all that energy and it moves right through them. As adults, we can’t really do this and lots of anger and pain winds up feeling stuck in the body. We often try to stuff that down with food and for some, get rid of it by purging.

56. Make jewelry out of household items or beads or coins.

57. You can also take that old clothing, especially those that are significant to your pre-op days, and cut it up into squares and make a “recovery quilt.”

58. Do a home makeover! Rearrange your furniture; get rid of things that you no longer want– sell them on eBay! Put up some curtains; just make things pretty for yourself.

59. Do volunteer work.

60. Write a novel, short story, or poetry.


If you can think of any others to add please post below!
xoxo
Sleeve Pixie

I'm No Beauty Queen, I'm Just Beautiful ME!

"You made me insecure
Told me I wasn't good enough
But who are you to judge
When you're a diamond in the rough
I'm sure you got some things
You'd like to change about yourself
But when it comes to me
I wouldn't want to be anybody else

It's such a funny thing
How nothing's funny when it's you
You tell 'em what you mean
But they keep whiting out the truth"

                  ~Selena Gomez 

                      (Who Says) 

The last two weeks, I have learned so much. Things about me, things I need to change or work on. Hey, no one is perfect right? I am always open to constructive criticism. I am and have always been open and honest with myself and others, perhaps to a fault. Perhaps I have given over too much, trusted too freely. I have to start treating myself like one of my patients.... the strictest of confidentiality. 

I have learned of deception, lies and backstabbing within this community. It makes me sad. But in the last few days, it has really hit home! Two weeks ago, it all started, a miscommunication, a misconception between friends. That's over now and someone else has used the fuel from it's fire. Some one close. THAT hurts. 

Careers have been affected. My career has been affected. Some of my friends have been hit, HARD! It's just not fair. I feel like I am between a rock and hard place personally. Here I am... a professional, a social worker, a helper and a post-op, but what I am even more so than all of those things put together is HUMAN.  A young human at that. 

Someone, I don't know who, sent an anonymous e-mail to my surgeon telling him he should look at my personal facebook. He looked. The whole office saw and he came to me about it. I have never been so mortified in my entire life! My private life, out there in the open now forever mixed in with my professional life. I feel betrayed. My facebook profile is on lock down. NO ONE can see it if they are not friends with me. I made the mistake of letting in one of his staff members. So what was so horrible that I did, that he saw... 

He saw a check-in to Applebee's restaurant in which I proclaimed I'd be having a margarita. He saw two pictures that I was tagged in of me being silly with my girlfriends who came in from out of town to see me and attend a WLS event. He saw me say I had bought a shot glass in the airport in Vegas. I have been collecting shot glasses with my husband since our honeymoon. He may have even seen my pictures from my week in Las Vegas. One in particular where I had a drink in each hand (one of which was not mine) in front of the Treasure Island Hotel. Perhaps he saw the picture I took in front of Margaritaville. Yep, it has been a running joke between my friends that tequila is my drink of choice. They post pics and videos and all sorts of silly things. Lastly, he may have seen the check in at serendipity in which my caption was, "I think I found my dumping ground!" I was in Vegas for a post-op meet and greet. All of this happened after the meet and greet with a post-op friend of mine. I didn't even walk into Serendipity because I knew there was nothing for me there and yes I punned off of "dumping syndrome" on my caption. So what really did my surgeon see. He saw me enjoying my life as a 20-something. Having a drink with some girlfriends and being a normal 26 year old. 

What he didn't see... I walked the Las Vegas strip 4 times in two days. That is 2.5 miles each way. I walked the Vegas Strip 4 times without being in pain, without having to stop and catch my breath, without asking my friends to slow down and wait for me. What he didn't see is I rode the roller coaster at the New York, New York hotel! He didn't comment on the fact that I wrote in sheer excitement that I FIT into a roller coaster for the first time in over 10 years! He didn't see the posts stating I walked over 12,000 steps almost every day I was in Vegas. He didn't see all the amazing things that I take to be a gift he gave me when he performed my surgery 7 months ago. That man gave me my 20s back and all he saw was the things I did that may not align with perfect post-op values or perfect professionalism. 

I will be 26 years old on June 2. I am a normal 26 year old who enjoys going out and being 26. I have a drink or two once in a while. I have fun with my girl friends on occasion. I dance like no one is watching. I am confident and I walk like I am worth a million bucks. Why? Because I am! Those of you who know me, know I am not conceited at all. Many tell me I don't think highly enough of myself, especially on a professional level. I suppose that will come with time though. 

I LOVE my work. I LOVE this community. I would do anything ANYTHING to better it. But I cannot and will not give up my life for it. I left the conversation mortified. I left feeling attacked and judged. I have been a mess for two days now! I have to let it go. My only hope is that other's both professional and not will be able to see me for who I am and not expect me to be someone else. While I agree that I may need to pull in the reins and may need to not give so much away on facebook, and I will work on that, I truly believe that being a post op is about getting your life back and living it to the fullest. For some that is running a marathon or climbing a mountain or wearing that size or seeing that number on the scale. For me, it's about walking the Vegas Strip 4 times in zero pain. 

Thank you for my life back! It is a gift! One I truly cherish! 

I hope each one of my readers will take their gift and live their life in a healthy balanced manner and make sure to never let those moments, those NSVs pass you by!

xoxo

Sleeve Pixie

Is Food Really the WORST Addiction?

Before I start writing, I have to say that I have been thinking this over for a few days now, pondering whether or not I should even make this post. Someone of you will not like hearing this, but you know what? That's ok!

There has been a lot of talk in the recent weeks about this concept of "food addiction". The peak of the discussion was when Dr. Robin Blackstone, the upcoming President Elect of the American Society of Metabolic and Bariatric Surgery (ASMBS), pronounced, out loud to a room of 20+ bariatric bloggers that there is no such thing as FOOD ADDICTION!

Yep you heard it right... NO SUCH THING AS FOOD ADDICTION.

Now of course me with my big mouth was the first to get up and refute her statement. I am a food addict so how can you tell me there is no such thing! There is medical EVIDENCE and even RESEARCH out there Dr. Blackstone! If you have any interest in that research, you can find it on a previous blog post here.

The truth of the matter is this... She was right! Yep, I said it. Dr. Blackstone was right! I will explain why in just a moment.

Then there is another point, the actual reason I sat down to write this post. If I had a penny for every time I heard a weight loss surgery patient say to a social worker, doctor etc etc, "You don't understand! We have the worst addiction of all! An alcoholic CAN CHOOSE to never drink again, a crackhead CAN CHOOSE to put down the pipe but we HAVE TO EAT every single day! MORE THAN ONCE A DAY!"

Here lies my issue. This is the reason I am writing this post without caring what you think of me afterwards. We NEED to change this mentality. We NEED to get off of denial highway. We need to stop using this thought process as a way to rationalize our compulsive eating behaviors/habits.

The reason I say I agree with Dr. Blackstone is this... When was the last time you met a person who had to have a piece of broccoli every single time they got upset? I don't know a single one and I know A LOT of  self proclaimed "food addicts"! If you read any of the research on food addiction or even my last blog post on food addiction which breaks down the bodies addiction to CERTAIN types of food then you see where I am going with this.

SUGAR, SIMPLE CARBOHYDRATES and CHOCOLATE are the only three food types that cause any type of physical addiction. Think of the foods that you tend to run to when you need a fix? Donuts, bread, candy, chocolate... right?

Therefore... the appropriate term would not be FOOD addict, but Sugar Addict or Carb Addict or Chocolate Addict. Maybe you are one of the above or perhaps you have a poly substance dependency issue.

Now that you have realized you are not addicted to FOOD but only certain types of food, the same rules, as all other addictions apply.

You CAN CHOOSE to abstain, for the rest of your life, from chocolate, sugar and simple carbs. It's not easy by any means whatsoever but if you ask an alcoholic if it's easy to abstain from booze, I am willing to bet money that you will find you both have similar feelings about your situations.

Our worlds revolve around food, all the bad foods in the world. All the ones we are physically addicted to, but guess what... the alcoholics world, before he hit his rock bottom and decided to stop drinking, also revolved around his addiction. They say, people places and things... Gotta change em. An alcoholic can't hang out at the bar anymore and you, the sugar/carb/chocolate addict can't hang out in the cupcakery!

So when you are ready to beat this thing, there are groups out there that can help you. We may not be able to step into a local rehab for detox but there are ranches if you can afford it. There are therapists, 12 step meetings and bariatric support groups that can help you. Below are some resources.

Food Addicts Anonymous
Overeater's Anonymous
Bariatric Support Groups
Rachel's Comfy Couch
Mind Body Health Services
Stein Wellness

Please know, you may not succeed at first and relapse is part of recovery. In order for a baby to learn to walk, it must fall a few times to build up the necessary leg muscles to walk. Recovery is possible!
xoxo
Sleeve Pixie

Me? Bad-Ass?

Last night, I had a heart to heart with a good friend of mine about my recent struggles and frustrations. He told me, "You are a magical person and I love your 're-vision' article and your blog. You have the capacity to be a POWER-house".

He was totally right. I had forgotten for a moment, even if only a brief one, what I was doing. I fell to the back of the line because I was too tired of pushing to the front. I was ready to give up and again admit defeat. That is the self saboteur in me.. She figures out how to pick the lock on her cage every now and again no matter what I do to keep her at bay. As I sat there talking to my friend, I found myself complaining about my life, my situation my DRAMA.

Then he said something to me that I don't even think he knows meant much of anything to me. He said, remember "it's only temporary!"

Huh? What do you mean it's only temporary?? It's RIGHT NOW!! I hate this situation RIGHT NOW!! I don' care that it will not be the case in 10 minutes or 10 days or even 10 months, but RIGHT NOW I am struggling... Then it hit me... like a ton of bricks... This is the addict in me talking!! This impulsive I want it and I want it NOW behavior and way of thinking is the addict in me coming out to rear its ugly head.. I have been working so hard on the abstinence of the drug of my choosing (food) that I have over looked the addict within me and she has been waiting silently for the right moment, the right opportunity to strike!

Perhaps one may even call it a transfer of addictions... I can no longer use food to cover up my feelings so now I cling to anger, depression, drama, the thrill of the fight, the choosing of the sides, the win, the kill, the BULL! I have to stop! I have to refocus and retrain the little me who is still an addict and perhaps always will be.  I have to learn to change my ways of coping with... whatever the RIGHT NOW is.

Now I will be the first to admit, this is probably the hardest thing you will ever have to do. Change your essence. Everything about you and your life has fostered and nourished the addict in you. From your enablers to your self sabotaging behaviors. I admire you for even taking the first step on this long hard journey. But I promise the end more than justifies the means!

It was suggested last night that I make a list of all the "bad-ass" things about me... I started to think... I am going to tell the world about my bad-assness lol Blogspot here I come and watch out! Then I thought... hmmm... What is bad-ass about me?

Do you know whats bad-ass about you?? Well let me start you off... You are currently reading my blog. I think that is pretty darn bad-ass if I do say so myself :-) Now you finish! Make a list of what is bad ass about you!! Put in a journal, on a blog, leave it in my comments below if you want to. But you should know what is bad-ass about yourself. So here is my list.... My friend started me off by telling me being an LMSW (Licensed Master Social Worker). is pretty bad ass bad-ass...

In case you are having some trouble with your list... Let me define BAD-ASS for you!

BAD-ASS
1. adjective. having extremely favorable qualities
2. adjective. pertaining to a person or thing that is rugged, strong, and/or ready to show these qualities
3. noun. person who is perceived to have the qualities in definition 2
What Makes Me A Bad-Ass!

1. I am an LMSW 
2. I am an OH SGL
3. I am a "Revision"ary
4. I can go over an hour on the elliptical
5. I am 296.4lbs as of this morning! 
6. I write a pretty bad-ass blog!
7. I am beautiful inside and out.
8. I am sexy and desirable.
9. I have integrity.
10. I am open, honest, empathetic and welcoming to all.
11. I am a giver.
12. I can have a drink with the boys and put on make-up with the girls
13. I have a great sense of self confidence and self worth
14. I have a group of bad-ass friends that love me unconditionally! 
15. I met the man of my dreams
16. I married the man of my dreams
17. I am on the path to live up to my greatest potential
18. I take full advantage of my opportunities
19. I take risks
20. I have unbelievable insight into myself.

If I sat here for a few more hours I can definitely come up with a much better list but for now 20 will have to do. I will write this list on paper and keep it somewhere that I can add to it as things pop into my head or happen. How is your list shaping up?

Remember we are all bad-ass in one way or another!
in love and support
Sleeve Pixie

Thought for Today...

Thought for today! When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.
~Helen Keller


In life there are many doors we must go through, usually blindly... We don't always know what lies beyond the doorway. Life is really nothing more than a series of rooms. The meat of life is who we share those rooms with and how we rearrange the furniture. 


How have you arranged the furniture in the room you are in now? (I don't mean this literally by the way)

I Need Air... Especially at Night!

Last night was the first night I decided to try and sleep with out my CPAP. I wanted to see with the monitoring of my Fitbit, how many times I woke up...

I was diagnosed with Obstructive Sleep Apnea after I fell asleep behind the wheel and almost hit an 18 wheeler.

"Obstructive sleep apnea is a potentially serious sleep disorder in which breathing repeatedly stops and starts during sleep. Several types of sleep apnea exist, but the most common type is obstructive sleep apnea, which occurs when your throat muscles intermittently relax and block your airway during sleep. The most noticeable sign of obstructive sleep apnea is snoring, although not everyone who has obstructive sleep apnea snores." ~Mayo Clinic

I was 19 when I was diagnosed. I was dating my husband at the time and hated the thought of having to wear this full faced mask. I was embarrassed in front of this guy who I really liked. I didn't know if he thought I'd be a freak. The thought of never being able to fall asleep in his arms killed me. Starting this new relationship this way was just no fun. Yep I worry.... A LOT!

Luckily for me, he was super supportive! He made me wear the mask every single night. He would even put it back on when I ripped it off in my sleep. It took a lot of getting used to, but eventually it became routine. Now that we are married for over five years, I still hate the stupid mask on my face, but it has become a ritual for me and my husband. Every night when we are ready for bed my husband comes to my side, kisses me goodnight and puts the mask on for me; Just like he did when I resisted wearing it. It's become sort of a romantic gesture in our lives believe it or not. Talk about turning a negative into something beautiful!

Last night I decided to try to sleep without it... I only woke up twice without my CPAP. I am exhausted today, so I know I still need it, but I did wake up with out any of the side effects like the horrible headache that pounds every time you move and the dizzyness from not getting enough oxygen at night.
This is what my sleep report looked like on my Fitbit page today! 99% sleep efficiency without the machine... Maybe there is hope that one day I will no longer need the thing.

To Our Health,
xoxo
Sleeve Pixie

Sexual Abuse and Obesity: Coincidence or Correlation?

I was sitting in one of the many support groups I attend and the topic of sexual abuse came up. I was telling a fellow member that I head the peer counseling department of Rape is Never Justified, an online organization that provides free peer support to male and female victims of sexual abuse. Several members shared that they have been victims of abuse in either childhood and adulthood, in some cases both. It got me thinking... Well actually I have been thinking about this correlation for a long time...

A couple of the interesting things I have noticed...

1. National statistic say that 1 in 4 women are sexually abused. The stats I have seen around the bariatric community 5 years ago say 1 in 3 bariatric patients have been sexually abused. More recently I have seen stats that say 3 out 5 bariatric patients have reported sexual abuse at one point in their life. Striking coincidence or correlation?
2. When selling T-shirts... The most sought after sizes are M and L for the general population. When we sell T-shirts for Rape is Never Justified, the most sought after sizes are XL and XXL. Interesting coincidence or correlation? 

This leads me to believe that there is more than a strange coincidence. There is a high correlation between sexual abuse and obesity... 

Many people who have been sexually abused either as a child or an adult may not have reported their abuse for one reason or another. Instead of healing, victims may turn to destructive methods of coping with their abuse. Many will turn to drugs, alcohol, self mutilation or possibly even promiscuous sexual behavior while others may develop an eating disorder... There are many reasons, I believe why there is such a high correlation between sexual abuse and obesity.The victim may be attempting to fill a void or even more commonly, trying to take back control and power in the only way they know how, food. As a child you don't have control of very many things in your life. But what you do or do not put in your mouth can be a source of control for a child who has been sexually abused. 

"Many survivors of sexual abuse often work to become very fat or very thin in an attempt to render themselves unattractive. In this way, they try to de-sexualize themselves. Other survivors obsessively diet, starve, or purge to make their bodies “perfect.” A perfect body is their attempt to feel more powerful, invulnerable, and in control, so as not to re-experience the powerlessness they felt when they were abused. Indeed, some overweight men and women, who are survivors of sexual abuse, are afraid to lose weight because it will render them feeling smaller and childlike." ~Cohen

For people who have been sexually abused and then go on to have bariatric surgery later in life may find themselves sabotaging their surgery. By not dealing with these issues prior to surgery, you may be increasing your chance of not reaching your goal post-op.

If you have been sexually abused, you must know there is help for you! Rape is Never Justified, offers free peer support services for male and female victims of sexual abuse as well as the first ever helpline that you can text instead of call! You can find them on the web:

Rape is Never Justified Website

Rape is Never Justified on Facebook

Advocate Connect Helpline Number: 816-866-0765 

Available from 8am - 11pm CST

I encourage you to share your story in the comments below. If you would like to share your story but you do not feel comfortable doing so publicly or even publishing anonymously, feel free to e-mail me your story at SleevePixie@gmail.com

In love and support,
xoxo
Sleeve Pixie

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