Dear Obesity...

Dear Obesity,

There is honestly nothing dear about you... We first met at my birth. I was over 9lbs. Big baby! We continued our "friendship" throughout my childhood. I was cute, chubby, but not yet obese.

You started to rear your ugly head in about 2nd grade. You showed your red flags. I didn't know yet that you would be abusive. It started slowly. At first, you made my peers laugh at me and call me names. You started to isolate me.

Then you made me feel like a ton of bricks when my family couldn't carry me around anymore. They told me I was a big girl. Back then I thought it meant "grown up" but now I know I was wrong. As more time went on you made me feel insecure and weak. You made me think I was the problem. I wasn't... YOU were.

You cheated me. Robbed me of confidence and sense of self. I hid behind many masks as a young kid. Big frumpy clothes was a big defense for me. I hid you because I was ashamed of you. My shame only fed you and made you stronger. You stole away my summers. I never wanted to wear a bathing suit. Even in camp, the pool was torture. I believe everyone was staring at me, mocking me, mocking you...

My family tried to save me from you by sending me to fat camp. It helped in a way. You still controlled my body but I got back my mind. I found the confidence you snatched away from me all those years ago. I no longer looked at the floor when I walked through the crowds at school. I no longer wore baggy clothes and started to try new styles. As hard as I tried to overcome you... I failed... So many times I failed...

Things were a little better in high school. I didn't let you stop me from making friends or playing sports or even the occasional date. But you still continued to make things rough. People still made fun of me. You made me a doormat. I did everything for everyone. I had to work harder to make friends because you made it so hard for people to even want to give me a shot.

At the age of 16 you started to gain control again. Remember, it was the day you stopped me from riding the roller coaster. I gave up a big part of me to you that day. You took my BF next when he told me he no longer found me attractive. You stole my prom away from me. My date was a female friend. You took away my comfort every time I sat down to eat in public, every time I looked at a chair or a booth or a bathroom stall. You robbed me of the freedom of doing all the things my friends did because you instilled in me a fear that told me I couldn't.

The worst came when I met my now ex-husband... thanks a lot for that btw... You robbed my marriage blind for years. You made me wear a machine over my face each night when I went to bed. You stole from me 2502 nights that I could never sleep in his arms. You stole from me... the abilty to cook him dinner and the ability to clean our house. But there was nothing worse then you stealing away my ability to give him a child.

As much as you stole from me, the worst part of it all... I completely let you... Eventually my ex got tired of being robbed and so did I.

I made the decision then and there you wouldn't be allowed to control me anymore. You wouldnt tell me not to walk there, sit in that chair, get on that amusement park ride, talk to that guy, buy that dress, go to the beach or anything else you never allowed me to do. You are no longer allowed to make me feel bad or ugly or shameful. I now know that I am beautiful and worthy of more then you ever allowed me to have. So good bye obesity. I am taking the keys and getting in the drivers seat of my own life. FOR GOOD!!
 
Since I've let you go, I've walked... the Brooklyn Bridge and the runway. I've rode the roller coasters in Las Vegas and Coney Park. I've spoken to that guy... and that one and that one too, while wearing that dress on the beach! With all this new found control over my life... who knows what I'll do next!
 
xoxo
SleevePixie
 

Passover... a Bariatric Post-op Lesson

Passover is probably my most favorite Jewish Holiday. To all my Jewish readers... wipe that look off your face! Yes I enjoy 8 days of matzah brei and nescafe. lol

I was thinking about this today while i was driving to work before I had  my coffee. Not sure what made me think of it but here it goes...

Passover is a holiday in which we celebrate the exodus from Egypt. We as Jews went from being slaves for 210 years to being free and the whole holiday is very symbolic. During the first two nights of the holidays we hold a feast which is a called a Seder which means order for those of you who don't speak Hebrew. It's a very organized event.

Everything we do, eat, say is very symbolic. We talking a lot about the idea of going from being slaves to free (wo)men. We drink wine and lean to left like kings while drinking and eating.

So I could take this one of two ways... One is the obvious of going from being a slave to our bodies, a slave to food, a slave to disease and then having surgery and being free but that while that's a lovely comparison, that's not where I am going tonight...

I was thinking this morning as I was driving about the concept of eating after weight loss surgery. We go from being slaves to our bodies and food to being... well... slaves to our bodies and food. How sad is that? Some of us are slaves to the scale while others become slaves to calorie counting or exercise or the worst of all... DIETING!!!

I have talked about this a lot in the past... NO MORE DIET MENTALITY!! One of the things I love about Judaism which hits home particularly during certain holidays is the idea of moderation. Jews can do anything but with moderation. We can eat, but not certain things. We can drink but only certain drinks. We can drive and play on facebook and watch TV etc but only on certain days... There is a time and place for everything. Even things we are not supposed to eat, drink and do are permitted under certain circumstances. Nothing is every 100% forbidden. I LOVE THIS!

On passover, we eat in excess, we drink in excess we act like kings for two nights out of the year. We don't feel guilt about it or shame. We are supposed to be excited and full of joy! So to in our post-op lives. I can't tell you how many patients I see that struggle to find balance in their post-op lives. There is a fear of eating certain foods,like a bite of cake, wearing certain clothes, like a bathing suit, going certain places like to a booth in the restaurant. Stop being afraid to live your life! It's ok to eat a bite or two of cake on some occasions! It's ok to show off your new body at times! It's ok to try new experiences and feel good about them! Learn moderation and let that replace the constant diet mentality or abstinence mentality if you will. Everything is ok under certain circumstances.

To me that is the message of Passover. So tomorrow night, I am going to eat a little too much, drink a little too much and feel like a Queen! No guilt, no shame and no self loathing. I'm not cheating, falling off some imaginary wagon, or being a bad girl. I am living life.

I hope you can all experience life the way I have learned to!
xoxo
Sleeve Pixie

I Don't Deserve It... Do I?

A few nights ago I was having a convo with a good friend of mine (Who is having her sleeve as I type!), and she said to me (talking about her upcoming surgery), "I still can't believe it's gonna happen. I feel like something will come up and prevent me from doing it last minute."

My reply to this was to tell her that what she is feeling is normal. Most of us who are overweight for one reason or another have this internal dialogue that tells us we don't deserve good things.

As we continued on talking about this topic I recalled to her a few times in my life I have felt this way. The most recent time I remember feeling this way was the night of my wedding. I recall walking down the aisle on December 1, 2005 thinking to myself, "OK this can't be happening. Who is gonna stand up and object to the marriage? When is Aryeh going to realize he doesn't want to do this?"

Then I told my friend about a time when I was young, couldn't have been more than 5 years old... My school used to take us to the park around the corner to play because the school had no gym. I remember walking down the steps of the school outside on the way to the park thinking to myself, "I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe I am getting to go to the park. This must be a dream." AT 5!! A small little innocent 5 year old... I already didn't think myself worthy of good things. In case you were wondering, yes I was overweight at 5 years old.

Now days, I don't really struggle with this so much. I do feel i deserve good things and happiness. I don't know if that is a result of the weight loss or the counseling I did after my divorce or just a shift in the universe. I doubt the latter. So I wanted to blog this morning and throw this out to you. Have you ever srtuggled with thoughts like this? do you still struggle? If not, what changed for you?

I am very much looking forward to your comments this morning!
xoxo
Sleeve Pixie

I'm No Beauty Queen, I'm Just Beautiful ME!

"You made me insecure
Told me I wasn't good enough
But who are you to judge
When you're a diamond in the rough
I'm sure you got some things
You'd like to change about yourself
But when it comes to me
I wouldn't want to be anybody else

It's such a funny thing
How nothing's funny when it's you
You tell 'em what you mean
But they keep whiting out the truth"

                  ~Selena Gomez 

                      (Who Says) 

The last two weeks, I have learned so much. Things about me, things I need to change or work on. Hey, no one is perfect right? I am always open to constructive criticism. I am and have always been open and honest with myself and others, perhaps to a fault. Perhaps I have given over too much, trusted too freely. I have to start treating myself like one of my patients.... the strictest of confidentiality. 

I have learned of deception, lies and backstabbing within this community. It makes me sad. But in the last few days, it has really hit home! Two weeks ago, it all started, a miscommunication, a misconception between friends. That's over now and someone else has used the fuel from it's fire. Some one close. THAT hurts. 

Careers have been affected. My career has been affected. Some of my friends have been hit, HARD! It's just not fair. I feel like I am between a rock and hard place personally. Here I am... a professional, a social worker, a helper and a post-op, but what I am even more so than all of those things put together is HUMAN.  A young human at that. 

Someone, I don't know who, sent an anonymous e-mail to my surgeon telling him he should look at my personal facebook. He looked. The whole office saw and he came to me about it. I have never been so mortified in my entire life! My private life, out there in the open now forever mixed in with my professional life. I feel betrayed. My facebook profile is on lock down. NO ONE can see it if they are not friends with me. I made the mistake of letting in one of his staff members. So what was so horrible that I did, that he saw... 

He saw a check-in to Applebee's restaurant in which I proclaimed I'd be having a margarita. He saw two pictures that I was tagged in of me being silly with my girlfriends who came in from out of town to see me and attend a WLS event. He saw me say I had bought a shot glass in the airport in Vegas. I have been collecting shot glasses with my husband since our honeymoon. He may have even seen my pictures from my week in Las Vegas. One in particular where I had a drink in each hand (one of which was not mine) in front of the Treasure Island Hotel. Perhaps he saw the picture I took in front of Margaritaville. Yep, it has been a running joke between my friends that tequila is my drink of choice. They post pics and videos and all sorts of silly things. Lastly, he may have seen the check in at serendipity in which my caption was, "I think I found my dumping ground!" I was in Vegas for a post-op meet and greet. All of this happened after the meet and greet with a post-op friend of mine. I didn't even walk into Serendipity because I knew there was nothing for me there and yes I punned off of "dumping syndrome" on my caption. So what really did my surgeon see. He saw me enjoying my life as a 20-something. Having a drink with some girlfriends and being a normal 26 year old. 

What he didn't see... I walked the Las Vegas strip 4 times in two days. That is 2.5 miles each way. I walked the Vegas Strip 4 times without being in pain, without having to stop and catch my breath, without asking my friends to slow down and wait for me. What he didn't see is I rode the roller coaster at the New York, New York hotel! He didn't comment on the fact that I wrote in sheer excitement that I FIT into a roller coaster for the first time in over 10 years! He didn't see the posts stating I walked over 12,000 steps almost every day I was in Vegas. He didn't see all the amazing things that I take to be a gift he gave me when he performed my surgery 7 months ago. That man gave me my 20s back and all he saw was the things I did that may not align with perfect post-op values or perfect professionalism. 

I will be 26 years old on June 2. I am a normal 26 year old who enjoys going out and being 26. I have a drink or two once in a while. I have fun with my girl friends on occasion. I dance like no one is watching. I am confident and I walk like I am worth a million bucks. Why? Because I am! Those of you who know me, know I am not conceited at all. Many tell me I don't think highly enough of myself, especially on a professional level. I suppose that will come with time though. 

I LOVE my work. I LOVE this community. I would do anything ANYTHING to better it. But I cannot and will not give up my life for it. I left the conversation mortified. I left feeling attacked and judged. I have been a mess for two days now! I have to let it go. My only hope is that other's both professional and not will be able to see me for who I am and not expect me to be someone else. While I agree that I may need to pull in the reins and may need to not give so much away on facebook, and I will work on that, I truly believe that being a post op is about getting your life back and living it to the fullest. For some that is running a marathon or climbing a mountain or wearing that size or seeing that number on the scale. For me, it's about walking the Vegas Strip 4 times in zero pain. 

Thank you for my life back! It is a gift! One I truly cherish! 

I hope each one of my readers will take their gift and live their life in a healthy balanced manner and make sure to never let those moments, those NSVs pass you by!

xoxo

Sleeve Pixie

I'm Letting Go... Of ME!

I thought you were my friend.
I thought you were my comfort.
I tried to lean on you.
But you almost took me under.
It's taken all my will.
It's taken all my prayers
To get me here
To get me here from there

I'm getting free at last.
You're nothing but my past.
And im not going back
To how it used to be
When you had your hold on me.
I'm getting free at last.

You know what to say.
You know just how to temp me.
Whenever I give in
All I feel is empty.
I'm tired of hating me
and living with no pride.
I'm letting go of you.
I'm letting go of you.
I'm taking back my life.

I'm getting free at last.
You're nothing but my past.
And im not going back
To how it used to be
When you had your hold on me.
I'm getting free at last.

No more looking in the mirror
At someone I dont recognize.
And now without you
I can see who I am
Who I've always been inside.
~Dan Evans, Letter to My Addiction

We all have addictions in our lives we have let go of or desperately need to let go of. For some its certain foods. For others it may drugs, alcohol, gambling, shopping, sex, a friend/partner/family member, work, drama etc etc etc. No matter what you have yourself caught up in, I ask you... Why are you still holding on? What is it about this substance that has you like a fish on a hook. You need it! Want it! Enjoy it! Whatever!! 

Some of us hold on because of a physical grip. Withdrawal is never a fun process. Some of us hold on because of an emotional connection to a thing, person or behavior. Some of us hold on because the fear of "the change" is still greater than the pain of the situation. Yet others will hold on because they think it makes them strong. There is this idea or myth even, that there is a strength about seeing the end of a road as opposed to veering off the path. It's just not true! 

I read a quote this morning and clearly it's been on my mind... “Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.” — Herman Hesse

This weekend in Vegas has been more than trying for me on many levels. I have had some personal turmoil and I have had to let go of some people in my life. Dear friends, who meant the world to me. While I am devastated on multiple levels this is not what drove me to sit down and blog today. 

Today I am struggling with letting go of a part of myself. A part of myself I have grown to know and love. My carefree innocence in a world  of professionalism cannot co-exist with my new "grown-up" life. I made a choice a few years ago that when I graduated with my masters and got my license I was going to give back. I was going to use my education to better the lives of other bariatric post-ops. I consider myself to be on the road to career success. Bare in mind that my definition of success may vary from yours. I am not talking about monetary success. I am a licensed mental health professional. That to me is success!

So here I am. Struggling with wanting to be me. All of me! The good the bad and the ugly. Trying to figure out which parts of me must go and which parts can stay... I will keep you updated as I figure it out :-)

xoxo

Sleeve Pixie

When Diplomacy Becomes Toxic...

Diplomacy is defined as, skill in handling affairs without arousing hostility. What happens when the hostility is already there? When it has been building for a long time now and hidden under the guise of niceties and cordiality. It could be the aunt who always made fun of your weight and is now secretly jealous of you for getting skinny or your boss a co worker or frenemy?

I think as children we are always told to be nice, and give hugs we don't want to give and say things we have no interest in saying and... we do what we are told. That behavior for many of us has grown into being walked all over because of our weight, our feelings of being less then, worthless etc... Well that should not be the case!

No one is saying you have to be mean, cause drama at the Thanksgiving table, yell at your boss or expose your frenemies. What I am saying, is that you are worth being treated with respect and dignity. It's ok to dislike people. It is even ok to defriend them on facebook! You are not suzy sunshine and anyone who expects you to be clearly has not found the self dignity to handle the confrontation that comes with disliking someone.

There comes a time when diplomacy becomes toxic. The relationships and fake smiles just eat you up inside and you are ready to burst with no where to turn. Today I have decided to take a stand. No more fake friends. No more disliking people because my friends dislike them. No more pretending to like people because of how it may or may not effect my social status, career, opportunities etc. This is NOT high school. I don't have to love the popular girl to get recognized. I am an amazing person and have a lot to bring to the table. If people can not judge me by the worth I have and only by the people I associate with then I am choosing to change the channel! You are not worth me if you cannot see my worth.

"Keeping people in your life who do not better it is not diplomacy, its STUPIDITY!" Plain and simple. Realize you have intrinsic value and worth!

xoxo
Sleeve Pixie

NSAIDS: VSG Friendly?

Why are we talking so much about NSAIDs lately? Everyone has an opinion on whether or not we can take em. By "we" I mean the VSGers. Even doctors can't seem to agree on the facts. When I had my band I waas popping Aleve like candy... 500mg in one shot 4 times a day. It's a miracle I don't have an ulcer.

So I did some breif research this morning about the FACTS on NSAID use. Once you have the facts you can decide if NSAID use is for you.

What exactly is an NSAID? NSAIDs are Non-Steroidal Anti Inflamitory Drugs known for their ability to reduce fever and provide pain relief. They are non narcotic, but lemme tell you they can be addictive.

What is the problem with NSAIDs?  The problem with NSAIDs are the damage they can cause to the inner lining of your stomach. They can wear the lining down and cause ulcers.

"The second major cause for ulcers is irritation of the stomach arising from regular use of non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs, or NSAIDs. NSAIDs are available over-the-counter (OTC) and by prescription" ~American College of Gastroenterology.

What are the Complications of Ulcers? Bleeding, Obstruction and Perforation
Bleeding: Internal bleeding in the stomach or the duodenum.

• Bleeding is never a good thing clearly. If the bleed is in the duodenum, we have a chance to possibly convert to a DS, but if the bleed is in the stomach... Well we don't have much less. With a full stomach we have more room to play and most consider the benefits to outweigh the risks. We only have 20% of our stomach left friends.... Not much to play with there... Do the benefits of NSAIDs still outweigh the risks?

Perforation: When ulcers are left untreated, digestive juices and stomach acid can literally eat a hole in the intestinal lining, a serious medical problem that requires hospitalization, and often surgery.

• Again... we have 20% of our stomach left!!!! Why risk it? We have to save it for a potential rainy day!

Obstruction: Swelling and scarring from an ulcer may close the outlet of the stomach, preventing food to pass and causing vomiting and weight loss.

• Ok, I didn't know this until recently... Has your surgeon showed you what a bougie looks like?? Below you will see a picture sent to me by Dr. Alvarez, of a 32fr Bougie.
• Picture of 32 French Bougie... Its the clear thing in the middle... If you don't understand what a bougie is or why is used for VSG surgery... Here is a quick explanation... The bougie is place in through your esophagus into your stomach and used as a guide for the surgeon to staple. Basically the bougie decides the size of your new sleeve. As you can see below, the bougie is barely bigger than a pen.
•  Not very much there to save or work with. I would imagine it would be fairly simple and quick for an ulcer to work its way through our new stomach and cause a hole... It is possible for ulcers to heal... but again look at the size of the inside of your stomach... How much scar tissue do you think it would take to cause an obstruction? I'd gather not that much!

Can you see why this may be problematic for VSGers?

So now you can make an educated decision is to whether or not NSAID's are good for you!
They are not for me. If you do NEED to take NSAIDs for heart health and things of that nature... There are medications that can be taken in conjunction with NSAID to lower your risk. Talk to your doctor :-)

Here is a list of all of the OTC (Over the Counter) NSAIDs out there. For a more complete list of both OTC and perscription NSAIDs Click Here!

Over-the-Counter NSAIDs
OTC Brand Name	Generic Name	Dose
Actron®	ketoprofen	1-6 pills/day, (up to 75 mg/day)
Advil®	ibuprofen	1-6 pills/day, (up to 1,200 mg/day)
Aleve®	naproxen sodium	1-3 pills/day*, (up to 660 mg/day)
Bayer®	aspirin	1-12 pills/day, (up to 4,000 mg/day)
Ecotrin®	aspirin	1-12 pills/day, (up to 4,000 mg/day)
Excedrin®	aspirin, acetaminophen and caffeine	2-8 pills/day, (up to 2,000 mg/day aspirin, 2,000 mg/day acetaminophen, and 520 mg/day caffeine)
Motrin IB®	ibuprofen	1-6 pills/day, (up to 1,200 mg/day)
Nuprin®	ibuprofen	1-6 pills/day, (up to 1,200 mg/day)
Orudis KT®	ketoprofen	1-6 pills/day, (up to 75 mg/day)
*2-pill limit for patients over age 65.

TO OUR HEALTH!

Sleeve Pixie

Sexual Abuse and Obesity: Coincidence or Correlation?

I was sitting in one of the many support groups I attend and the topic of sexual abuse came up. I was telling a fellow member that I head the peer counseling department of Rape is Never Justified, an online organization that provides free peer support to male and female victims of sexual abuse. Several members shared that they have been victims of abuse in either childhood and adulthood, in some cases both. It got me thinking... Well actually I have been thinking about this correlation for a long time...

A couple of the interesting things I have noticed...

1. National statistic say that 1 in 4 women are sexually abused. The stats I have seen around the bariatric community 5 years ago say 1 in 3 bariatric patients have been sexually abused. More recently I have seen stats that say 3 out 5 bariatric patients have reported sexual abuse at one point in their life. Striking coincidence or correlation?
2. When selling T-shirts... The most sought after sizes are M and L for the general population. When we sell T-shirts for Rape is Never Justified, the most sought after sizes are XL and XXL. Interesting coincidence or correlation? 

This leads me to believe that there is more than a strange coincidence. There is a high correlation between sexual abuse and obesity... 

Many people who have been sexually abused either as a child or an adult may not have reported their abuse for one reason or another. Instead of healing, victims may turn to destructive methods of coping with their abuse. Many will turn to drugs, alcohol, self mutilation or possibly even promiscuous sexual behavior while others may develop an eating disorder... There are many reasons, I believe why there is such a high correlation between sexual abuse and obesity.The victim may be attempting to fill a void or even more commonly, trying to take back control and power in the only way they know how, food. As a child you don't have control of very many things in your life. But what you do or do not put in your mouth can be a source of control for a child who has been sexually abused. 

"Many survivors of sexual abuse often work to become very fat or very thin in an attempt to render themselves unattractive. In this way, they try to de-sexualize themselves. Other survivors obsessively diet, starve, or purge to make their bodies “perfect.” A perfect body is their attempt to feel more powerful, invulnerable, and in control, so as not to re-experience the powerlessness they felt when they were abused. Indeed, some overweight men and women, who are survivors of sexual abuse, are afraid to lose weight because it will render them feeling smaller and childlike." ~Cohen

For people who have been sexually abused and then go on to have bariatric surgery later in life may find themselves sabotaging their surgery. By not dealing with these issues prior to surgery, you may be increasing your chance of not reaching your goal post-op.

If you have been sexually abused, you must know there is help for you! Rape is Never Justified, offers free peer support services for male and female victims of sexual abuse as well as the first ever helpline that you can text instead of call! You can find them on the web:

Rape is Never Justified Website

Rape is Never Justified on Facebook

Advocate Connect Helpline Number: 816-866-0765 

Available from 8am - 11pm CST

I encourage you to share your story in the comments below. If you would like to share your story but you do not feel comfortable doing so publicly or even publishing anonymously, feel free to e-mail me your story at SleevePixie@gmail.com

In love and support,
xoxo
Sleeve Pixie

Other resources available to you:

Dumping: A Reality of the Gastric Sleeve

So here I am, 26 minutes before the ball drops... and I am sick as a rabid dog. It is official... I have been in denial of this fact for a a little over a month and a half.

I AM A DUMPER!!! 

In fact, I am dumping as I type this blog entry. I feel gross.... So I am going to keep this short and sweet and go lie down.

The Mayo Clinic defines dumping syndrome as....

...a group of symptoms most likely to develop if you've had surgery to remove all or part of your stomach, or if your stomach has been surgically bypassed to help lose weight. occurs when the undigested contents of your stomach are transported or "dumped" into your small intestine too rapidly.

Generally we hear amongst the WLS community that sugar, carbs and fat will cause this to happen. For me this is true. I ate way too many carby audervs took 3 sips of alcohol and  topped it all off with pudding pie for dessert. I know, I know not the greatest choices but I am of the belief that this is not a diet but my life so if I want to eat pudding pie with my family on New Years Eve, then I am gonna do it! I am also going to accept that I will have to pay the piper for my actions. Believe me, I am not bitching. I am just telling you this happens.

The Symptoms of dumping may include all or some of the following:

1. Cramping or pain

2. Nausea

3. Diarrhea

4. Vomiting

5. Sweating

6. Fast Heart Rate

7. Tiredness

From the things I hear from my bypass friends... everyone experiences it differently. I get nausea, fast heart rate and tiredness.

Many surgeon's websites etc will tell you us sleevers don't dump because our Pylorus is preserved which is supposed to hold the food in our bananas but I have heard of many sleevers experience dumping. Last I checked it's about 3%. But that statistic is word of mouth and I have yet to find a study to verify that.

There is nothing, that I know of, you can do to stop the dumping episode once it's starts. You just have to wait it out and it will eventually pass. It is the worst feeling EVER!!!

I just wanted to throw that out there. It is NOT just bypassers!!! It is now 3 to midnight and I must go kiss my hubby for New Years.
Happy New Year!
xoxo
Sleeve Pixie

What is your New Years Resolution?

Enter December, the month for gift giving and receiving, for joy and charity and family. For some its a month filled with weight gain, drunk stupidity and/or relationship drama. It is also known as the Month when people start to think about their "failures" for the year and make resolutions to fix their real or perceived inferiorities in the year to come.

Making a resolution in my opinion, accomplishes one of two things. One, its is a just a way to shut your guilt up. If you feel guilty for not going to the gym enough, you say on December 30th... "SELF, in 2011, we are going to go to the gym 4 times every week!" Then you tell all your friends about your resolution and they nod and smile and some may even be honest enough to say, "Oh I wish I could do that too... but... I can't commit to so many times a week," but in all of their heads they are thinking... BULL SHIT! That Bish aint gonna last more than 2 weeks!

Two. It's a way to rationalize your behavior over the holidays. If you want to eat your piece of cake over the holidays, you will rationalize every bite with the stupid New Years Resolution. "Oh, I can totally eat the double chocolate fudge cake because I'm gonna go to the gym in 4x a week in 2011." "I can totally get wasted every night between Xmas and New Years Day because, well, obviously calories consumed during holiday season don't count. Besides, I made that resolution to hit the gym and burn off one drink per hour 4x a week in 2011."

Now let's get real! You and I both know... if going to the gym was THAT important to you you wouldn't wait til you were hungover on January 1st to go, you would go NOW! If you wanted to quit smoking, join weight watchers, the gym, have surgery finally, get that fill in your band etc etc etc you would do it NOW! Stop using your BS Resolution as your get out of jail free card.

A New years resolution is like starting your diet on Monday... Did you know there are 52 Mondays in a year? You are setting yourself up to fail ad feel horrible about yourself for not sticking to your resolution.

Instead of resolutions this year how bout we do something different. How bout we say to ourselves... This year, It is ok to gain 10lbs in the month of December. I will allow myself 3 bites of anything I want or a whole friggen piece of whatever I want and it wont mean I am a failure in life, WLS, weight watchers etc...

For 2011 lets set goals. Go right now and get a pen and paper..... I'm waiting.....
Got it?
GREAT!

Now write on the top my 2011 Goals.
Did you write it?
Good!

Now make a list of 3 goals you would like to accomplish this year. JUST 3!
Start each goal with the words... I WOULD BE SO HAPPY IF...
Make sure to skip a few line between each goal.
Here are mine....
1. I would be so happy if I weight less than 300lbs
2. I would be so happy if I was more active
3. I would be so happy if I got a social work job working for a bariatric surgeon/program

 We started by saying "I would be so happy if..." because that doesn't commit us to anything, doesn't berate us if we don't follow through, doesn't allow us to use it as an excuse or make a promise to ourself. Its just a simple statement of this is what would make me happy. Maybe, just maybe, your happiness will be a motivator.

Now go back to goal 1. Under your goal write... I can (insert goal here) if I (insert 2 activities here).
Do this for all three goals.

1. I would be so happy if I weight less than 300lbs

    I can weigh less than 300lbs if I measure my food daily and log my calories, carbs and protein daily.

2. I would be so happy if I was more active

    I can be more active if I walk the dogs with my husband and get a gym buddy.

3. I would be so happy if I got a social work job working for a bariatric surgeon/program

    I can get a social work job in a bariatric program if I get my resume together and send it out.

Now what you have done is implemented a reasonable plan to attain your goals. One more step... Go back to goal 1 and on the next line under your plan write.... If I don't (insert goal here) then (insert feeling, reaction here).

1. I would be so happy if I weight less than 300lbs

    I can weigh less than 300lbs if I measure my food daily and log my calories, carbs and protein daily.

    If I don't weight less than 300lbs then I will feel like a failure at surgery part 2 and resent my surgery.

2. I would be so happy if I was more active

    I can be more active if I walk the dogs with my husband and get a gym buddy.

    If I don't become more active, it is likely that I will not reach my first goal. 

3. I would be so happy if I got a social work job working for a bariatric surgeon/program

    I can get a social work job in a bariatric program if I get my resume together and send it out.

    If I don't get a job in a bariatric setting then I will get a job somewhere else. 

Now you have a goal, a plan to implement the goal and a motivator because you know you don't want to feel xyz or have reaction abc happen. For me. I have 5lbs to lose til I'm in twoderville so I know/assume goal 1 will happen eventually. I know if I don't get more active it is likely I wont reach goal, wont feel good about myself etc etc... If I don't land my dream job right now, which is possible I wont because most surgeons wont hire me til I reach goal, then I will have to settle for another job. These are my motivators. This is what I want to accomplish in 2011.

I hope you find this helpful to having a more meaningful 2011.

Happy New Years!

xoxo

Sleeve Pixie, LMSW!!!! 

PS.... For those of you who don't know, I have been MIA for the last 2 weeks studying 8-10 hours a day for my Licensing exam. I passed my licensing exam and I am now a Licensed Social Worker! What a great ending to 2010!!!

May Your Road Be as Bumpy as Needed...

"When you're broken, in a million little pieces, and you're trying but you can't hold on anymore, every tear falls  down for a reason. Don't you stop believing in yourself, when you're broken."

 Sometimes things just don't work out the way we had envisioned. Maybe, as one of my favorite blogers writes, "We Broke Our Surgery". Maybe you had to put your life on hold for a few months like me because your surgery didn't go quite as you had planned. I spent nearly two months being in pain after my sleeve surgery. I couldn't walk, couldn't sit in a car for too long, couldn't sleep and most importantly... couldn't get ready for my social work licensing exam or get a job.

"Little girl don't be so blue, I know what you're going through don't let it beat you up. Hittin' walls and gettin' scars only makes you who you are. No matter how much your heart is aching there is beauty in the breaking."

The beauty of it all is how we deal with our brokenness. We can shrivel up and crawl under a rock and raise our little white flag, or we can choose to keep our heads high and prevail. We can choose to acknowledge our imperfections and deal with them.

"Better days are gonna find you once again. Every piece will find it's place."

Always hold fast to the knowledge that sunny days are ahead of you. Eventually things will get better. Even if they don't get better, by learning to cope with them you can still find the happiness in your life. A bump in the road is but a stepping stone on the journey of life. May your journey be as bumpy as needed for you to appreciate the dirt path.

xoxo
Sleeve Pixie