Closing the Chapter to Begin Anew

Hello everyone... I know its been  along while since I've posted on here... or anywhere for that matter... But here I am. A lot has happened in the last few years...

I have moved my office... Expanded my practice and realized it is time to close the chapter of SleevePixie and Bariatric Revisionary once and for all.

I have been toying with the idea for a while now and I really miss the day to day interactions with you all and the fun raffles and things i used to do for you all.

So today, I close the door to open a new one!!! Rachel's Comfy Couch... the practice I opened 4 years ago while you all read and cheered is going strong! It has a new home on Long Island and now it's time for a new blog!!

Please dear read friends new and old... Join me at "Tales from the Couch"!
Below you will find the links to the new Facebook page and the new blog.

Rachel's Comfy Couch - Facebook Page
Tales from the Couch

Things you can look forward to on the new blog and page... Therapeutic wisdom and insight from me, funny pictures, recipes, Questions, guest bloggers, and more! Topics will include, Weight Loss Surgery, depression, anxiety, relationship issues, therapy modalities, trauma talk and anything else you ask for :)

I look forward to seeing you there.

xoxo
SleevePixie

Dear Obesity...

Dear Obesity,

There is honestly nothing dear about you... We first met at my birth. I was over 9lbs. Big baby! We continued our "friendship" throughout my childhood. I was cute, chubby, but not yet obese.

You started to rear your ugly head in about 2nd grade. You showed your red flags. I didn't know yet that you would be abusive. It started slowly. At first, you made my peers laugh at me and call me names. You started to isolate me.

Then you made me feel like a ton of bricks when my family couldn't carry me around anymore. They told me I was a big girl. Back then I thought it meant "grown up" but now I know I was wrong. As more time went on you made me feel insecure and weak. You made me think I was the problem. I wasn't... YOU were.

You cheated me. Robbed me of confidence and sense of self. I hid behind many masks as a young kid. Big frumpy clothes was a big defense for me. I hid you because I was ashamed of you. My shame only fed you and made you stronger. You stole away my summers. I never wanted to wear a bathing suit. Even in camp, the pool was torture. I believe everyone was staring at me, mocking me, mocking you...

My family tried to save me from you by sending me to fat camp. It helped in a way. You still controlled my body but I got back my mind. I found the confidence you snatched away from me all those years ago. I no longer looked at the floor when I walked through the crowds at school. I no longer wore baggy clothes and started to try new styles. As hard as I tried to overcome you... I failed... So many times I failed...

Things were a little better in high school. I didn't let you stop me from making friends or playing sports or even the occasional date. But you still continued to make things rough. People still made fun of me. You made me a doormat. I did everything for everyone. I had to work harder to make friends because you made it so hard for people to even want to give me a shot.

At the age of 16 you started to gain control again. Remember, it was the day you stopped me from riding the roller coaster. I gave up a big part of me to you that day. You took my BF next when he told me he no longer found me attractive. You stole my prom away from me. My date was a female friend. You took away my comfort every time I sat down to eat in public, every time I looked at a chair or a booth or a bathroom stall. You robbed me of the freedom of doing all the things my friends did because you instilled in me a fear that told me I couldn't.

The worst came when I met my now ex-husband... thanks a lot for that btw... You robbed my marriage blind for years. You made me wear a machine over my face each night when I went to bed. You stole from me 2502 nights that I could never sleep in his arms. You stole from me... the abilty to cook him dinner and the ability to clean our house. But there was nothing worse then you stealing away my ability to give him a child.

As much as you stole from me, the worst part of it all... I completely let you... Eventually my ex got tired of being robbed and so did I.

I made the decision then and there you wouldn't be allowed to control me anymore. You wouldnt tell me not to walk there, sit in that chair, get on that amusement park ride, talk to that guy, buy that dress, go to the beach or anything else you never allowed me to do. You are no longer allowed to make me feel bad or ugly or shameful. I now know that I am beautiful and worthy of more then you ever allowed me to have. So good bye obesity. I am taking the keys and getting in the drivers seat of my own life. FOR GOOD!!
 
Since I've let you go, I've walked... the Brooklyn Bridge and the runway. I've rode the roller coasters in Las Vegas and Coney Park. I've spoken to that guy... and that one and that one too, while wearing that dress on the beach! With all this new found control over my life... who knows what I'll do next!
 
xoxo
SleevePixie
 

Success Through Failure

"You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space." - Johnny Cash


I read this on my facebook news feed today and immediately thought it's time to blog!

With so many revision surgeries being done these days, many patients going through this, experience an unbelievable amount of guilt and tremendous feelings of failure.

I can and have definitely shared my feelings of failure when after 2.5 years after my Lap-Band I had only lost 27lbs. In all honesty and fairness, I had really lost 57lbs but after all the throwing up I experienced, my body held onto 30lbs worth of everything I put in my mouth the two months after my band was removed.

We all turned to Weight Loss Surgery as a last resort. One final effort to lose the weight and get healthy and at our LAST RESORT, we failed AGAIN!! If you have gone through this you know exactly the feelings I am talking about.

These feelings also keep many WLS patients from seeking the help they need from their doctors when it is probably needed the most. Remember those feelings of empowerment you felt when you started your first steps towards surgery? The feelings of control you had as you were finally going to take the reins of your life and control the direction of your future? Those positive feelings can be hard to get back the second time around. Trust me... I know...

This quote is exactly the mindset we should have. Don't dwell on the failure. Use it as a stepping stone. Figure out what went wrong the first time and do it right the next time around. If that means getting more educated, do it! If that means getting into therapy, do it! It may mean working out or being more mindful of the things you eat... Whatever it is, do it!

To your success!
xoxo
Sleeve Pixie

Things To Do Instead Of Eating!

Have you ever been so bored all you could do was think about food? Ever wish those thoughts would just go away!

Well here is a list of 60 things you can do to take your mind off of food!

1. Call a friend, your sponsor, a support person, anyone who you can talk to who will either get your mind off of food, or someone to talk to about whatever it is that you might be feeling.

2. Go for a brisk walk

3. Meditate or listen to a hypnosis or guided visualization download.

4. Give yourself a manicure/pedicure– can’t binge with wet nails.

5. Volunteer at the ASPCA to walk dogs or pet cats.

6. Watch a funny movie at home.

7. Take a shower, give yourself a hot oil treatment, shave your legs, tweeze your brows– self care time.

8.) Get organized sort out your bills, create a budget– organize your home. Often getting organized can help you feel more in control and enable you to thwart a binge, which can often feel very out of control.

9. Draw, paint or color.

10. Knit, crochet or do needlepoint

11. Take a nap

12. Get out of your house and into your car, go to the beach, the lake, the park… somewhere pretty and relaxing.

13. Clean out your closet, donate your old clothes or sell them on eBay.

14. Read a good book.

15. Put on music and dance it out. Go out dancing. Call your friends over and have a dance party.

16. Go to the gym. Stretch, go to a yoga class, do a yoga DVD or an exercise or yoga class on On Demand cable. Move! Do jumping jacks, run in place, anything to move a little energy and release some tension.

17. Take a relaxing bath with nice bath salts or essential oils.

18. Write in your journal

19. Scream into a pillow.

20. Go to an OA or EDA meeting, either online, in person, or on the phone.

21. Go to an online support forum with other people dealing with eating issues. www.obesityhelp.com www.facebook.com (The LIOS group, many other supportive groups for WLS on fb)

22. Read a magazine

23. Write a blog! Read a blog!

24. Chat with friends on facebook or update your facebook profile. Twitter!

25. Sing!

26. Get your hair done or do your own hair. Experiment with different styles, curling iron, flat iron, curlers, etc.

27. Make cards for people, catch up on Thank You notes, send out notes to relatives you haven’t spoken to or seen in a long time. Not the ones that stress you out and make you want to reach for your old friends Ben and Jerry.

28. Go out and take photos.

29. Play video games or facebook games

30. Write and direct a short play with stuffed animals or Barbie dolls or action figures or your pets or sock puppets and videotape it to put on youtube.

31. Smell lavender

32. Pick flowers

33. Garden

34. Create a collage

35. Go bowling, play pool, play golf or miniature golf, play basketball, hit tennis balls, go to a batting cage, go for a swim.

36. Scrapbook

37. Write an angry letter to whomever you are holding anger at. You don’t have to send it, just let it out. Afterwards, put it somewhere safe. You might let go of some emotions that you’d been stuffing and you might find that you no longer have the urge to binge.

38. Go through old pictures

39. Cuddle with your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, daughter, son, cat, dog, teddy bear, etc.

40. Do karaoke, you can either go out to do it, or do it at home with friends.

41. Play music! If you play an instrument, whip it out and start playing. If not, teach yourself to play one. Beat on some bongos, ping a triangle, strum a guitar, whatever is convenient to you. If nothing, make an instrument out of household objects and play it.

42. Catch up on your emails

43. Learn a new language!

44. Write a letter to your future self, about what you’re going through right now.

45. Write some notes with positive messages and post them around your home or get out of the house and put them up in dressing rooms, public restroom mirrors, restaurants, etc

46. Make a list of why you rock. Think about what’s great about you. Can’t think of those things? Call someone who loves you and ask them to tell you.

47. Light candles and incense and relax

48. Explore your neighborhood or town. Go to local museums or art galleries.

49. Call a friend or relative who has been unhappy lately and needing some support. Sometimes giving support can be incredibly heartening and also supports the supporter.

50. Use crayons to color hard! This can release tension.

51. Search through your couch and house for change! Put everything you can in a jar and put it aside to start a fund for yourself as a motivator in your journey. Every time you reach a milestone, you can buy yourself something fun, like a new pair of shoes, or some jewelry or new CD, or whatever you like within reason.

52. Roll on your back. This is a spinal massage that helps you to feel relaxed and rejuvenated.

53. Read positive affirmations.

54. Write out your intentions or personal goals for yourself for the week. Write out both long term and short term goals- things that you are striving for and ways to help you get there.

55. Throw a temper tantrum! Go into your bedroom, lay on your stomach in your bed and scream into your pillow while you kick your legs and punch your hands into the bed. Ever see kids do this? They expend all that energy and it moves right through them. As adults, we can’t really do this and lots of anger and pain winds up feeling stuck in the body. We often try to stuff that down with food and for some, get rid of it by purging.

56. Make jewelry out of household items or beads or coins.

57. You can also take that old clothing, especially those that are significant to your pre-op days, and cut it up into squares and make a “recovery quilt.”

58. Do a home makeover! Rearrange your furniture; get rid of things that you no longer want– sell them on eBay! Put up some curtains; just make things pretty for yourself.

59. Do volunteer work.

60. Write a novel, short story, or poetry.


If you can think of any others to add please post below!
xoxo
Sleeve Pixie

I Don't Deserve It... Do I?

A few nights ago I was having a convo with a good friend of mine (Who is having her sleeve as I type!), and she said to me (talking about her upcoming surgery), "I still can't believe it's gonna happen. I feel like something will come up and prevent me from doing it last minute."

My reply to this was to tell her that what she is feeling is normal. Most of us who are overweight for one reason or another have this internal dialogue that tells us we don't deserve good things.

As we continued on talking about this topic I recalled to her a few times in my life I have felt this way. The most recent time I remember feeling this way was the night of my wedding. I recall walking down the aisle on December 1, 2005 thinking to myself, "OK this can't be happening. Who is gonna stand up and object to the marriage? When is Aryeh going to realize he doesn't want to do this?"

Then I told my friend about a time when I was young, couldn't have been more than 5 years old... My school used to take us to the park around the corner to play because the school had no gym. I remember walking down the steps of the school outside on the way to the park thinking to myself, "I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe I am getting to go to the park. This must be a dream." AT 5!! A small little innocent 5 year old... I already didn't think myself worthy of good things. In case you were wondering, yes I was overweight at 5 years old.

Now days, I don't really struggle with this so much. I do feel i deserve good things and happiness. I don't know if that is a result of the weight loss or the counseling I did after my divorce or just a shift in the universe. I doubt the latter. So I wanted to blog this morning and throw this out to you. Have you ever srtuggled with thoughts like this? do you still struggle? If not, what changed for you?

I am very much looking forward to your comments this morning!
xoxo
Sleeve Pixie

I'm No Beauty Queen, I'm Just Beautiful ME!

"You made me insecure
Told me I wasn't good enough
But who are you to judge
When you're a diamond in the rough
I'm sure you got some things
You'd like to change about yourself
But when it comes to me
I wouldn't want to be anybody else

It's such a funny thing
How nothing's funny when it's you
You tell 'em what you mean
But they keep whiting out the truth"

                  ~Selena Gomez 

                      (Who Says) 

The last two weeks, I have learned so much. Things about me, things I need to change or work on. Hey, no one is perfect right? I am always open to constructive criticism. I am and have always been open and honest with myself and others, perhaps to a fault. Perhaps I have given over too much, trusted too freely. I have to start treating myself like one of my patients.... the strictest of confidentiality. 

I have learned of deception, lies and backstabbing within this community. It makes me sad. But in the last few days, it has really hit home! Two weeks ago, it all started, a miscommunication, a misconception between friends. That's over now and someone else has used the fuel from it's fire. Some one close. THAT hurts. 

Careers have been affected. My career has been affected. Some of my friends have been hit, HARD! It's just not fair. I feel like I am between a rock and hard place personally. Here I am... a professional, a social worker, a helper and a post-op, but what I am even more so than all of those things put together is HUMAN.  A young human at that. 

Someone, I don't know who, sent an anonymous e-mail to my surgeon telling him he should look at my personal facebook. He looked. The whole office saw and he came to me about it. I have never been so mortified in my entire life! My private life, out there in the open now forever mixed in with my professional life. I feel betrayed. My facebook profile is on lock down. NO ONE can see it if they are not friends with me. I made the mistake of letting in one of his staff members. So what was so horrible that I did, that he saw... 

He saw a check-in to Applebee's restaurant in which I proclaimed I'd be having a margarita. He saw two pictures that I was tagged in of me being silly with my girlfriends who came in from out of town to see me and attend a WLS event. He saw me say I had bought a shot glass in the airport in Vegas. I have been collecting shot glasses with my husband since our honeymoon. He may have even seen my pictures from my week in Las Vegas. One in particular where I had a drink in each hand (one of which was not mine) in front of the Treasure Island Hotel. Perhaps he saw the picture I took in front of Margaritaville. Yep, it has been a running joke between my friends that tequila is my drink of choice. They post pics and videos and all sorts of silly things. Lastly, he may have seen the check in at serendipity in which my caption was, "I think I found my dumping ground!" I was in Vegas for a post-op meet and greet. All of this happened after the meet and greet with a post-op friend of mine. I didn't even walk into Serendipity because I knew there was nothing for me there and yes I punned off of "dumping syndrome" on my caption. So what really did my surgeon see. He saw me enjoying my life as a 20-something. Having a drink with some girlfriends and being a normal 26 year old. 

What he didn't see... I walked the Las Vegas strip 4 times in two days. That is 2.5 miles each way. I walked the Vegas Strip 4 times without being in pain, without having to stop and catch my breath, without asking my friends to slow down and wait for me. What he didn't see is I rode the roller coaster at the New York, New York hotel! He didn't comment on the fact that I wrote in sheer excitement that I FIT into a roller coaster for the first time in over 10 years! He didn't see the posts stating I walked over 12,000 steps almost every day I was in Vegas. He didn't see all the amazing things that I take to be a gift he gave me when he performed my surgery 7 months ago. That man gave me my 20s back and all he saw was the things I did that may not align with perfect post-op values or perfect professionalism. 

I will be 26 years old on June 2. I am a normal 26 year old who enjoys going out and being 26. I have a drink or two once in a while. I have fun with my girl friends on occasion. I dance like no one is watching. I am confident and I walk like I am worth a million bucks. Why? Because I am! Those of you who know me, know I am not conceited at all. Many tell me I don't think highly enough of myself, especially on a professional level. I suppose that will come with time though. 

I LOVE my work. I LOVE this community. I would do anything ANYTHING to better it. But I cannot and will not give up my life for it. I left the conversation mortified. I left feeling attacked and judged. I have been a mess for two days now! I have to let it go. My only hope is that other's both professional and not will be able to see me for who I am and not expect me to be someone else. While I agree that I may need to pull in the reins and may need to not give so much away on facebook, and I will work on that, I truly believe that being a post op is about getting your life back and living it to the fullest. For some that is running a marathon or climbing a mountain or wearing that size or seeing that number on the scale. For me, it's about walking the Vegas Strip 4 times in zero pain. 

Thank you for my life back! It is a gift! One I truly cherish! 

I hope each one of my readers will take their gift and live their life in a healthy balanced manner and make sure to never let those moments, those NSVs pass you by!

xoxo

Sleeve Pixie

I'm Letting Go... Of ME!

I thought you were my friend.
I thought you were my comfort.
I tried to lean on you.
But you almost took me under.
It's taken all my will.
It's taken all my prayers
To get me here
To get me here from there

I'm getting free at last.
You're nothing but my past.
And im not going back
To how it used to be
When you had your hold on me.
I'm getting free at last.

You know what to say.
You know just how to temp me.
Whenever I give in
All I feel is empty.
I'm tired of hating me
and living with no pride.
I'm letting go of you.
I'm letting go of you.
I'm taking back my life.

I'm getting free at last.
You're nothing but my past.
And im not going back
To how it used to be
When you had your hold on me.
I'm getting free at last.

No more looking in the mirror
At someone I dont recognize.
And now without you
I can see who I am
Who I've always been inside.
~Dan Evans, Letter to My Addiction

We all have addictions in our lives we have let go of or desperately need to let go of. For some its certain foods. For others it may drugs, alcohol, gambling, shopping, sex, a friend/partner/family member, work, drama etc etc etc. No matter what you have yourself caught up in, I ask you... Why are you still holding on? What is it about this substance that has you like a fish on a hook. You need it! Want it! Enjoy it! Whatever!! 

Some of us hold on because of a physical grip. Withdrawal is never a fun process. Some of us hold on because of an emotional connection to a thing, person or behavior. Some of us hold on because the fear of "the change" is still greater than the pain of the situation. Yet others will hold on because they think it makes them strong. There is this idea or myth even, that there is a strength about seeing the end of a road as opposed to veering off the path. It's just not true! 

I read a quote this morning and clearly it's been on my mind... “Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.” — Herman Hesse

This weekend in Vegas has been more than trying for me on many levels. I have had some personal turmoil and I have had to let go of some people in my life. Dear friends, who meant the world to me. While I am devastated on multiple levels this is not what drove me to sit down and blog today. 

Today I am struggling with letting go of a part of myself. A part of myself I have grown to know and love. My carefree innocence in a world  of professionalism cannot co-exist with my new "grown-up" life. I made a choice a few years ago that when I graduated with my masters and got my license I was going to give back. I was going to use my education to better the lives of other bariatric post-ops. I consider myself to be on the road to career success. Bare in mind that my definition of success may vary from yours. I am not talking about monetary success. I am a licensed mental health professional. That to me is success!

So here I am. Struggling with wanting to be me. All of me! The good the bad and the ugly. Trying to figure out which parts of me must go and which parts can stay... I will keep you updated as I figure it out :-)

xoxo

Sleeve Pixie

I am NOT a Garbage Can!

Ah The Garbage can weight lifting... The ultimate oxymoron! I heard this from a friend of mine yesterday at a support group and I had to share it.

We were discussing the angst about turning in our "Clean Your Plate" club membership cards and one women spoke up and shared.

I hate to waste food. It is such a shame to throw food into the garbage. But I have come to realize, for so many years I have treated myself as the garbage. 

What a powerful sentiment. did we not all do this at one point in our lives. We gave more respect to the garbage can! We can't throw food away so out of respect we throw the food away in ourselves. We become the garbage can!

Now that we have had our WLS or are about to, or even if you have no intention of ever having WLS, treat yourself better than garbage. You deserve it! No more eating food because you don't want to throw it away. If you are that concerned put it back in the fridge and eat it later. It is ok to say, no more food! My body has had enough. Treat yourself and your body with more respect that your garbage can!

xoxo,
Sleeve Pixie

The True Meaning of Support.

Today's blog I am dedicating to all the supportive WLS spouses, friends and family members. I met my husband while I was studying abroad in Israel. He is Israeli and his family lives in Jerusalem. We met through a mutual friend and at the time it seemed we were from two different worlds. Different backgrounds, different circles, activities etc... As we grew to know each other, I fell in love with his smile and his non-judgmental-ness. He fell in love with my love and care for others. We knew we wanted to get married within 4 months of dating and we were married a short year after than on Dec 01,2005. We were kids when we got married. I was 20. He was 22. We had a very idealistic idea of how the world works. We wanted to have kids right away and start our family. After a year of trying and no pregnancies we sought out a reproductive specialist and our WLS journey began. I was pushing 365lbs and we decided that losing weight was the most responsible decision we could make before conceiving. Looking back, that was prob the first responsible decision we EVER made. We were young and carefree and so in love. We were the kind of couple that thrived on high levels of emotion and passion and excitement. Oh, and lot's of fighting! I didn't really understand what it meant to be a "WE" as I had been an "I" for so long. I was the kind of girl who never consulted anyone. I did what I wanted, when I wanted. I guess I am still kind of like that. Perhaps it's the ENFP (my Myer Briggs Personality type) in me.

My husband on the other hand is a giver. He never asks for anything. He never wants for anything and is always happy with what he has. In fact he is prob the worst person ever to cook for and shop for. He likes pretty much whatever I feed him and whatever I buy him and he is always appreciative!

With all three surgeries he was by my side every single step of the way. When I had my band, He was supposed to be able to stay with me over night but when he complained because my night nurse refused to help me out of bed to walk they threw him out. He slept in the car that night just in case I called and needed him. When i had my band out, new surgeon new hospital and a private room he again stayed by my side and slept in the hospital with me. When I had my sleeve, another private room, he stayed with me all 3 days and nights, never once leaving my side except to use the bathroom. He walked with me, held my hand, made sure I was taken care of properly and did all the things I had expected him to plus more than I could ever have imagined. He always took the week off from work after each surgery to be home and tend to my every need and want. What more could I ask for? Not a damn thing!

He never berated me for my weight. He always told me I was beautiful and sexy when I was 265lbs and when I was 391lbs. He never made me feel like it was my fault we couldn't get pregnant and when I decided I wanted a revision, he never made me feel like a failure. He stood my side from thick to thin!

Today will be day 6 that I have been sick. Yesterday, while my husband was out running some errands for his store, he came home in the middle of the day to make sure I had Orange Juice and food.

I have heard many times that WLS makes a good marriage better and bad marriage worse. It's not the actual surgery that changes things. It's not event he weight loss. Some people get married because they feel this is the best they can do. When we are overweight, we wonder... Will anyone else love me when I look like this? I guess this is the best I can do because I don't have very much to offer. Maybe you fell in love with the person simply because they loved you. Those things cause marriages to fail when you realize you DO have self worth. I have always known I had self worth. I always had a lot of love to offer. I still do. I only want to offer it to my husband though. For me, I don't want to be with a guy who wouldn't love me fat. A guy who can't see me worth farther than skin deep. Guys always hit on me. At any weight I never had a hard time finding a date. But that is just not enough for me. My husband is worth more than his weight in 24k gold. He supports me in my adventures, my career, my WLS, my hopes and my dreams. He supports me when no one else does and I try my very best to do that for him too. Sure we have had our struggles our fights and whatever but who doesn't?

When the world throws you lemons, does your husband help you make lemonade or does he move out of the way so he doesn't get hit too? I hope to be making lemonade with my husband forever! Thank you for always supporting me! I love you!

When Diplomacy Becomes Toxic...

Diplomacy is defined as, skill in handling affairs without arousing hostility. What happens when the hostility is already there? When it has been building for a long time now and hidden under the guise of niceties and cordiality. It could be the aunt who always made fun of your weight and is now secretly jealous of you for getting skinny or your boss a co worker or frenemy?

I think as children we are always told to be nice, and give hugs we don't want to give and say things we have no interest in saying and... we do what we are told. That behavior for many of us has grown into being walked all over because of our weight, our feelings of being less then, worthless etc... Well that should not be the case!

No one is saying you have to be mean, cause drama at the Thanksgiving table, yell at your boss or expose your frenemies. What I am saying, is that you are worth being treated with respect and dignity. It's ok to dislike people. It is even ok to defriend them on facebook! You are not suzy sunshine and anyone who expects you to be clearly has not found the self dignity to handle the confrontation that comes with disliking someone.

There comes a time when diplomacy becomes toxic. The relationships and fake smiles just eat you up inside and you are ready to burst with no where to turn. Today I have decided to take a stand. No more fake friends. No more disliking people because my friends dislike them. No more pretending to like people because of how it may or may not effect my social status, career, opportunities etc. This is NOT high school. I don't have to love the popular girl to get recognized. I am an amazing person and have a lot to bring to the table. If people can not judge me by the worth I have and only by the people I associate with then I am choosing to change the channel! You are not worth me if you cannot see my worth.

"Keeping people in your life who do not better it is not diplomacy, its STUPIDITY!" Plain and simple. Realize you have intrinsic value and worth!

xoxo
Sleeve Pixie

When Doctors Judge Their Obese Patients. How Do We Avoid This?

When Doctors Judge Their Obese Patients

David Katz, M.D..Director of Yale University's Prevention Research Center
Posted: March 16, 2011 08:11 AM

"I saw a patient in my clinic last week who came to me for ... never mind. I am now her doctor; she is now my patient. What happens between us is private and privileged, and none of your business.
But in one regard, this patient was a prototype of countless others, and that can, and perhaps should, be everybody's business. She was heavy. She was very, very heavy.... (cont reading)

The article above has sparked many discussions recently in the bariatric community. We were all over weight before our WLS and some of us still are. It is a harsh reality that many doctors judge us, make us feel unwelcome and research shows that bias from the doctors towards obese people often prevent us from getting the proper medical care we need!

I can ramble off many obese people who have chosen not to see a doctor for years now because their prior experiences have been less than comfortable. It is time to take action! you have to know that it is not ok to be treated this way! Doctors have to realize that we deserve TLC, especially C no matter what we weigh or look like!

Here are a few things you can do to prevent feeling less than human when you go to a doctor!!

There are lists out there of "fat-friendly" doctors.
http://www.cat-and-dragon.com/stef/fat/ffp.html
http://homepage.mac.com/joeobrin/FatDoc/FatDoc.html
http://www.plussizeyellowpages.com/Size_Friendly_Health_Professionals.htm
 
 
There are also questions that can be asked over the phone that will tell someone whether their doctor is "fat-friendly". Ask if the waiting room has bariatric sized chairs, if they have a large blood pressure cuff handy, if they have plus sized gowns and what the maximum weight is on the scale in the office. Also how the staff reacts when you ask them to look up this information is a huge indicator of the feel in the office.


One woman I know goes as far as to get the doctor ont he phone and ask the doctor if she is comfortable touching fat people? No one likes to be diagnosed from across the room!

If you have any suggestions to add to this list please post below!
xoxo
Sleeve Pixie

Do You Feel Lucky Punk? Well, Do Ya?

"You are so LUCKY you had WLS this young!!"

I hear this line at least once a week... if not once a day from someone in our community. While I usually just agree, I really started to think about it over the last day or so. I don't feel lucky or special or like I hit the jackpot. Do you??

Personally, I feel.... cheated, obligated, and resentful. 

"But don't you feel lucky to be getting your life back?" Well of course I am HAPPY that I can walk, breathe live etc... But I don't feel LUCKY to have had WLS at 25 years old. I feel like I had to do this. My weight was so out of control that I had no other choice. I ate myself into this mess, then someone had to repo my organs to put me back into place. I'm 25!! I feel pathetic... and just sayin... I was 22 when I had my first surgery. 

I kind of envy the older folk out there who had a chance to have kids, bake fatty junk food with them, enjoy them, enjoy food with them. Maybe you are reading this and thinking to yourself I am nuts... maybe I am... But I wish I didn't need WLS to lose weight, to have a baby, to walk etc. BUT I DO... 

I love my sleeve and I am super thankful that I was given the opportunity to save my life. I just can't bring myself to feel lucky. So i wanted to throw this out there as find out what you think... do you feel lucky about your WLS?

I missed you all!

xoxo

Sleeve Pixie

Me? Bad-Ass?

Last night, I had a heart to heart with a good friend of mine about my recent struggles and frustrations. He told me, "You are a magical person and I love your 're-vision' article and your blog. You have the capacity to be a POWER-house".

He was totally right. I had forgotten for a moment, even if only a brief one, what I was doing. I fell to the back of the line because I was too tired of pushing to the front. I was ready to give up and again admit defeat. That is the self saboteur in me.. She figures out how to pick the lock on her cage every now and again no matter what I do to keep her at bay. As I sat there talking to my friend, I found myself complaining about my life, my situation my DRAMA.

Then he said something to me that I don't even think he knows meant much of anything to me. He said, remember "it's only temporary!"

Huh? What do you mean it's only temporary?? It's RIGHT NOW!! I hate this situation RIGHT NOW!! I don' care that it will not be the case in 10 minutes or 10 days or even 10 months, but RIGHT NOW I am struggling... Then it hit me... like a ton of bricks... This is the addict in me talking!! This impulsive I want it and I want it NOW behavior and way of thinking is the addict in me coming out to rear its ugly head.. I have been working so hard on the abstinence of the drug of my choosing (food) that I have over looked the addict within me and she has been waiting silently for the right moment, the right opportunity to strike!

Perhaps one may even call it a transfer of addictions... I can no longer use food to cover up my feelings so now I cling to anger, depression, drama, the thrill of the fight, the choosing of the sides, the win, the kill, the BULL! I have to stop! I have to refocus and retrain the little me who is still an addict and perhaps always will be.  I have to learn to change my ways of coping with... whatever the RIGHT NOW is.

Now I will be the first to admit, this is probably the hardest thing you will ever have to do. Change your essence. Everything about you and your life has fostered and nourished the addict in you. From your enablers to your self sabotaging behaviors. I admire you for even taking the first step on this long hard journey. But I promise the end more than justifies the means!

It was suggested last night that I make a list of all the "bad-ass" things about me... I started to think... I am going to tell the world about my bad-assness lol Blogspot here I come and watch out! Then I thought... hmmm... What is bad-ass about me?

Do you know whats bad-ass about you?? Well let me start you off... You are currently reading my blog. I think that is pretty darn bad-ass if I do say so myself :-) Now you finish! Make a list of what is bad ass about you!! Put in a journal, on a blog, leave it in my comments below if you want to. But you should know what is bad-ass about yourself. So here is my list.... My friend started me off by telling me being an LMSW (Licensed Master Social Worker). is pretty bad ass bad-ass...

In case you are having some trouble with your list... Let me define BAD-ASS for you!

BAD-ASS
1. adjective. having extremely favorable qualities
2. adjective. pertaining to a person or thing that is rugged, strong, and/or ready to show these qualities
3. noun. person who is perceived to have the qualities in definition 2
What Makes Me A Bad-Ass!

1. I am an LMSW 
2. I am an OH SGL
3. I am a "Revision"ary
4. I can go over an hour on the elliptical
5. I am 296.4lbs as of this morning! 
6. I write a pretty bad-ass blog!
7. I am beautiful inside and out.
8. I am sexy and desirable.
9. I have integrity.
10. I am open, honest, empathetic and welcoming to all.
11. I am a giver.
12. I can have a drink with the boys and put on make-up with the girls
13. I have a great sense of self confidence and self worth
14. I have a group of bad-ass friends that love me unconditionally! 
15. I met the man of my dreams
16. I married the man of my dreams
17. I am on the path to live up to my greatest potential
18. I take full advantage of my opportunities
19. I take risks
20. I have unbelievable insight into myself.

If I sat here for a few more hours I can definitely come up with a much better list but for now 20 will have to do. I will write this list on paper and keep it somewhere that I can add to it as things pop into my head or happen. How is your list shaping up?

Remember we are all bad-ass in one way or another!
in love and support
Sleeve Pixie

Lost and Insecure....

While I usually blog about the struggles and successes of WLS as a whole today I am down in the dumps.. In fact, if I am really being honest with you all I have been this way for about a week now... This is why I have not been blogging as regularly as I should or would like to... It's time to lay it alllll out on the table... Beth, the owner of Weighty Secrets says... Secrets are things we give to others to keep for us... So I give to you my secrets today...

• Today, my love for this very community that I work so hard to better has dwindled. The constant drama and 1-uping bull shit behavior has got to stop. I seriously can't take it anymore. Why are you so insecure that you have to prance around and believe you are better than everyone else. When did it stop being for the right reasons? What happens in post-op brain that makes them loose their damn mind?? 
• Today I confess that I am outraged, disgusted and disappointed in the so-called pillars/post-op professionals of our community...I will not name names because I know nothing to be FACT but for the rumors that have been flying... I KNOW there HAS TO BE a few who are not acting right... 
• To all those Bariatric "para-professionals" out there... support group leaders, life coaches and the like... know your place! What you have to give is beautiful. You have the heart and soul of a helper but know where to draw the line and please leave your ego at the door. I don't care how much you paid for your life coach certificate or how many years post-op you are or any of that other stuff. You ARE NOT a surgeon, dietitian, therapist, nutritionist etc... YOU are a HELPER. Nothing more, nothing less. Know when it's time to send your "clients" for the help they deserve and need. You are doing nothing for them if you believe you can "therapy" away their issues, YOU CAN'T! You don't have the education to do so. Completing a course of therapy for yourself does not in any way make you qualified to give therapy to others. Paying for a 6 week course in coaching, DOES NOT qualify you to give therapy. In fact that only thing you are doing is stroking your own ego and hurting the people you once wanted so badly to help. Therapists do a MINIMUM of 6 years of schooling plus internships under heavy supervision. They study for weeks if not months and take licensing exams! 

*note... If you find this post offensive, you may want to figure out why... If you don't find it offensive... I'm clearly NOT talking about YOU! For those of you who fit the category above, I am ashamed to stand next to you as a "professional" in our community. 

Venting this out makes me feel so much better... Someone had to say it. I have been afraid to say this for so long because of the backlash I will face. Today, right now in this moment, I DON'T CARE. I can't make everyone happy. Not everyone will love me. I am ok with that. But I cannot sit here and say nothing... It just doesn't flow with my moral fibers...

To my amazing friends, please please please... Be careful with regard to whom you entrust your well being. 

I love you all!

xoxo

Sleeve Pixie

Thought for Today...

Thought for today! When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.
~Helen Keller


In life there are many doors we must go through, usually blindly... We don't always know what lies beyond the doorway. Life is really nothing more than a series of rooms. The meat of life is who we share those rooms with and how we rearrange the furniture. 


How have you arranged the furniture in the room you are in now? (I don't mean this literally by the way)

Twoderville: Extremely Obese!!

I MADE IT! I will NEVER see a 3 at the beginning of my weight EVER again!!!

Today I went to my surgeon for my 3 month post op check-up. When I walked into the office all the staff ooh'd and aaah'd at my weight loss. I was so nervous yet so excited to get on the scale. I realized that my scale has been broken for about a week now so I had no clue what I weighed. The big question was looming over my head... Had I broke the 300 mark and entered twoderville?

As I got on the scale my heart was pounding... I was preparing my self for the disappointment of still being over 300lbs as I watched the numbers... 305, 290, 300, 298, 299, 299.6, 299.5... and it stopped... I screamed!! My surgeon came running in to see what the commotion was. He opened the door and said, "Why are you yelling? What's going on?" So I screamed back at him "299!!!!!!" He laughed at me and walked out. Apparently the whole office heard me scream because as I walked out everyone asked me if I was ok. haha. I was in shock! I couldn't believe it!!

Next I had to see the surgeon... he looked over my chart and blood work and asked me how much I weighed  when I first started seeing him. 364, I told him. He was very happy with my progress. Then he said... NEXT TIME I SEE YOU, I WANT TO SEE 199. I seriously thought he was joking. I asked him if I would have to wait a year for my next appointment. to which he replied... No... 6 months from now you are going to be 199.

WHAT! Let me reprocess that... 6 months from today, 180 days from now, you expect me to lose 100lbs... be in ONEDERLAND??? NO FUCKING WAY!!! Then the fear set in....

As I left the appointment and text messaged everyone I know, I kept hearing it... 6 months... 100lbs.... 6 months 100lbs.... 6 months ONEDERLAND!!! Then came the next thought... Ok what can I eat right now...

Why does this happen to me? I am successful, then I want to eat carbs and fat... I will tell you why... The thought of success scares the living daylights out of me. The thought that this surgery might actually work and I might actually be able to reach 199lbs and have a baby and get a job scares the crap out of me. So I do what any normal person does... I sabotage myself.

Thankfully, I caught myself starting to travel down this all too familiar road early on. I caught myself before I was able to get a hold on the carbs and fat I was going to use to demolish my success. I promised myself that just for today I won't sabotage and see how it feels... I am still scared. I'm not gonna lie... I'm petrified of being successful. As I'm typing, I wonder if that success is what makes some of us go crazy. But that is a whole different topic. Maybe I will hot on that tomorrow...

For now I am going to stay focused on being successful. I am going to face my fears head on and see how it feels. I have a feeling I'm gonna like it!

To our success!
xoxo
Sleeve Pixie

My Bariatric Revision

Obesity Help has given me the opportunity to write for the January issue of the OH Newsletter. I was given the task of writing about my revision. I didn't want to just share my story as I have done that in many places many times before... I wanted to share with you all my view on Re-Vision.... The process not just the steps... Below you will find the article....

MY BARIATRIC RE-VISION

by: Rachel Lebowitz LMSW

OH Username: Rachelena

I hate the number 350! I have looked at that same number on the scale day in and day out. Some days it would try to disguise itself by replacing the zero with a five or a seven or a three. Some days it would add a little dot with an extra number at the end, but for over a year there never was a difference in the first two digits. I was two years post Lap-Band surgery when I finally decided enough was enough. I had tried all the tips and tricks to break a “stall” from more water, to more protein, more exercise, to even more calories and no exercise! Nothing by itself or in combination seemed to move those dreaded numbers on the scale. Then one day the realization hit me. My band had taken me as far as it was going to. It was time for my revision.
 

My surgeon only performs the band. So I began my revision journey by selecting a few competent surgeons to interview for the job. I already knew I wanted the sleeve. I had done extensive research on all the major surgery types and decided the VSG was best for me. When I told my old surgeon I would be revising, he sent me over to his partner for interview #1, dubbing him as a “sleeve specialist”. This surgeon told me that I was a failure and would surely fail with the sleeve because like the band, it was purely restrictive. When I asked him how many sleeves he had performed, he told me, “Thirteen or so.” As the consultation went on, he berated me for my extensive research, as I refuted his constant attempts to persuade me into having the RNY. I didn’t appreciate his attitude and didn’t want to start my revision with a surgeon who didn’t believe in my surgery, so on I went to my next appointment. I eventually found Dr. Vohra, the man I entrusted with my band removal and sleeve surgery. Both the removal and VSG surgeries were successful, and by success I mean I’m still alive with no major complications. October 18, 2010 was just the beginning of my journey. Now comes my “re-vision.

You see, I had a realization not too long ago that I did not have a revision on October 18, 2010. I just had some surgery. It wouldn’t have mattered if it was a new band,RNY, a DS, or the VSG. It was all the same, just some surgery. Revision to me is more than just a change in my anatomy, it has become a change in my vision; a do-over of sorts. I knew that to be successful, I had to stop following the generally given rules and start writing my own. I began working on myself, and coming to terms with the reason my band relationship didn’t work out.

I started with the infamous post-op diet and my eating behaviors… re-vision number one. When I had my band, I was told no more than 800 calories, 60g of protein a day, eight cups of water etc., etc. You know the diet I am referring to. That was one of my problems, and I assume, one many of you share. We have all been dieting for years, only to “fail”, “fall off the wagon”, “cheat” or whatever you call it. This isn’t a diet my friends, this is our life, now and forever. I had to get out of this “all or nothing” diet mentality that I had grown so accustomed to.
 

Today, I view my eating habits as just that, HABITS. That old diet I described earlier, those are guidelines that helped mold my habits into my life. I drink my water and get in all my protein. But I also allow myself to have a bite of those “bad” foods when the occasion calls for it; holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries. I DO NOT berate myself or feel like I “fell off the wagon”. I eat without guilt or shame. For me, this re-vision entailed taking an honest look into myself and figuring out why I eat the foods I do on both a psychological and biological level. The difference now is that I no longer allow myself to eat out of fear, anxiety, anger, sadness, or loneliness. I listen to my body and know that when I am craving chips and salt, I probably need water or when I want to dive into the sweets, I need to check my emotions first.

The next thing I had to change, was my view of my surgery. (Re-vision number two!) We are all told from day one that our surgery is a tool, not a solution. It changes your body not your brain. To be honest, I went into my band telling myself, the band won’t allow me to eat more than “x” amount of food, so I will be forced to eat less and lose weight. I have heard similar rationalizations from my peers. “I malabsorb my calories so that if I eat 1500 calories a day it’s like eating 800 and I will be fine and lose weight.” “If I eat one more bite, I will throw up and those calories won’t be digested, so they don’t count.” “If I skip lunch I can have some alcohol tonight with dinner.” These are nothing but excuses and are not productive ways of thinking. Our new anatomy has to become part of who we are. When I try to cheat my pouch, I cheat myself.
 

Re-vision number three is probably the hardest one. For me, this entails changing the way I feel about myself. I always said that I had this surgery to get pregnant, to be a better wife, and to get the job I want. While these reasons are still valid, they have become benefits only secondary to the real reason I had my surgery. I had my surgery because I AM WORTH IT! This time around, I had the surgery for ME and only ME. I am learning that it’s ok to be selfish. If I am not my best advocate, then who is? Who will be? I deserve to feel good, to be able to walk up a flight of stairs without gasping for air, to hike, swim, or dance. I deserve the life that I want and so do you! I had to make this decision in order to be successful. I am a food addict. I can’t quit to make anyone happy or I will fail and I will resent others for “making me” quit. It’s that simple. I couldn’t do it before because I was doing it for everyone but myself.

My last re-vision made me accountable. I know I have a tendency to trick myself into believing if no one saw it, it didn’t happen. So I try to log my food every day. Every bite I put into my mouth. I tell my support group when I have been falling back into my old habits. I attend many support groups and I run one. I use a tracking device which I have set to tell Facebook and Twitter how many steps I have taken during the day and how many calories I burned. All of these things keep me accountable. My newest project has become my blog. I call it “Bariatric Revisionary”. I admit things on my blog that I have a hard time admitting to myself, but if I don’t, I won’t succeed. I am not yet strong enough to be accountable to only myself. I don’t know if I ever will be, but I am grateful for the support.
 

Something that I believe very strongly in is the right to self-determination. This means that you get to determine your path. I believe we are all individuals with individual needs. Maybe you are the type of person who needs rules and structure to succeed. That’s great! I applaud you for knowing that about yourself. Maybe you are the type of person who cannot cut donuts out of your life. Ok, then learn how to make them pouch friendly.
 

Start 2011 out by getting to know yourself; what works best for you and your individual needs. Perhaps my vision on how things should be, make you think I am a rule breaker or a naughty post-op. I am not, I have just taken the time to figure out how to live my life so I can be who and where I want to be. I am almost three months post my VSG and I have lost 63 lbs for a total of 90 lbs since I had my first surgery. I feel alive, hopeful, successful, and HAPPY. My hope for you in starting this new year, is instead of resolutions, you make re-visions! I wish you all a happy and successful New Year!

I hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as I have enjoyed sharing this with you!

xoxo

Sleeve Pixie

The Importance of Support...

For those of you who don't know me or may not have read my blog until today, let me take a brief moment and introduce myself. My name is Rachel aka Rachelena aka Sleeve Pixie, depending on where you know me from. I am an almost 3 year post op and a revision patient which I guess makes me only a 2.5 month post-op yet again. I am a wife, a daughter, a sister, an aunt and a Social Worker. I have run a small tight knit bariatric support group for almost two years now and I love every moment of it. I am a strong believer in support.

We always here the term "support" in the WLS community and how important it is, but NO ONE ever takes the time to define what support actually means. According to dictionary.com...

SUPPORT –verb (used with object); 

1.

to undergo or endure, esp. with patience or submission.

2.

to sustain (a person, the mind, spirits, courage, etc.) under trial or affliction: 

3.

to maintain (a person, family, establishment, institution, etc.) by supplying with things necessary to existence; provide for.

4.

to uphold (a person, cause, policy, etc.) by aid. 

This is what we are supposed to do, right? To undergo with patience; to help sustain a person mentally or physically when they are down and to help a person maintain by providing education, ideas, love, support, friendship mutual aid etc...

I define a support group as a group of people that share a similar experience or situation. These people are able to motivate each other through the hard times and laugh with them through the good times. They do not judge them for the things they do that may not equate with the cultural norms and by culture I mean the group culture, in our case WLS. This system will generally share similar values and ideals about their situation. This is my idea of what a support group SHOULD be. 

There are 4 support groups I am active in. One, the one I run, Post-Ops Supporting Each other on  Long Island. POSE is a live support group that meets every other week. We share about our victories both on the scale and off and discuss our perceived failures. The group has a strong bond and trust one another enough to be able to motivate each other and confront each other when needed. While this is not by any means an educational group, it does serve its purpose to the members. 

The second group I participate in more of a social group. We are a bunch of people who get together for dinner once a month and enjoy the comfort of food in the presence of others who get it.

The third group I participate in is my surgeons support group. While I have only been going a short time, and I don't really appreciate surgeon run support groups, I believe it is important to give back. We have many pre-ops in this meeting and they look to us for advice. 

Lastly, the BBGC or Bariatric Bad Girls Club is an online support group with hundreds of people. The reason I cal myself a proud member of this group is because we share very similar values. Values I have not found anywhere else. The BBGC believes in reality. In the idea that THIS is now our life. Not some permanent diet we have to be on for the next 60 years. Yes you will notice our symbol involves a cupcake, the ultimate bad food... sugar, carbs and fat all rolled into one miniature cake. This does not symbolize a "badness" it symbolizes an awareness. An awareness of our food addiction, of what it took to get us here, of the reality that we all must live with on a daily basis. Some not nearly as rosy as mine or yours. 

The BBGC has been getting a lot of flack lately from all different sources because we believe its ok to eat a cupcake once in a blue or whatever your issue is with us. But for us, this is working. This lifestyle is what keeps us from being a suicide statistic or from regaining our weight. Many people don't believe its ok to make bariatric friendly "bad" food like donuts for example... but this is what keeps me away from the Dunkin Donuts drive through so WHY THE HELL NOT?

So if this is not for you, thats ok! Go find a group that is... and if there isn't one... do what I did and START ONE! There is plenty of room for all of us. 

There are many support groups in my local area and online that I do not and could not call myself a member of. Why? Because I cannot stand for the things they do or believe in or the message they put out as a group. Does that make them horrible... not necessarily. It makes them different. It makes them not for me. But maybe, for someone else, that is EXACTLY what they need. 

I hope in the year 2K11 you find yourself a group that meets your needs and that we can all start realizing that each post-op is an individual with individual needs and we need to stop prescribing a general condition for the needs of ALL bariatric patients on an emotional level.

In love and support,

Sleeve Pixie

What is your New Years Resolution?

Enter December, the month for gift giving and receiving, for joy and charity and family. For some its a month filled with weight gain, drunk stupidity and/or relationship drama. It is also known as the Month when people start to think about their "failures" for the year and make resolutions to fix their real or perceived inferiorities in the year to come.

Making a resolution in my opinion, accomplishes one of two things. One, its is a just a way to shut your guilt up. If you feel guilty for not going to the gym enough, you say on December 30th... "SELF, in 2011, we are going to go to the gym 4 times every week!" Then you tell all your friends about your resolution and they nod and smile and some may even be honest enough to say, "Oh I wish I could do that too... but... I can't commit to so many times a week," but in all of their heads they are thinking... BULL SHIT! That Bish aint gonna last more than 2 weeks!

Two. It's a way to rationalize your behavior over the holidays. If you want to eat your piece of cake over the holidays, you will rationalize every bite with the stupid New Years Resolution. "Oh, I can totally eat the double chocolate fudge cake because I'm gonna go to the gym in 4x a week in 2011." "I can totally get wasted every night between Xmas and New Years Day because, well, obviously calories consumed during holiday season don't count. Besides, I made that resolution to hit the gym and burn off one drink per hour 4x a week in 2011."

Now let's get real! You and I both know... if going to the gym was THAT important to you you wouldn't wait til you were hungover on January 1st to go, you would go NOW! If you wanted to quit smoking, join weight watchers, the gym, have surgery finally, get that fill in your band etc etc etc you would do it NOW! Stop using your BS Resolution as your get out of jail free card.

A New years resolution is like starting your diet on Monday... Did you know there are 52 Mondays in a year? You are setting yourself up to fail ad feel horrible about yourself for not sticking to your resolution.

Instead of resolutions this year how bout we do something different. How bout we say to ourselves... This year, It is ok to gain 10lbs in the month of December. I will allow myself 3 bites of anything I want or a whole friggen piece of whatever I want and it wont mean I am a failure in life, WLS, weight watchers etc...

For 2011 lets set goals. Go right now and get a pen and paper..... I'm waiting.....
Got it?
GREAT!

Now write on the top my 2011 Goals.
Did you write it?
Good!

Now make a list of 3 goals you would like to accomplish this year. JUST 3!
Start each goal with the words... I WOULD BE SO HAPPY IF...
Make sure to skip a few line between each goal.
Here are mine....
1. I would be so happy if I weight less than 300lbs
2. I would be so happy if I was more active
3. I would be so happy if I got a social work job working for a bariatric surgeon/program

 We started by saying "I would be so happy if..." because that doesn't commit us to anything, doesn't berate us if we don't follow through, doesn't allow us to use it as an excuse or make a promise to ourself. Its just a simple statement of this is what would make me happy. Maybe, just maybe, your happiness will be a motivator.

Now go back to goal 1. Under your goal write... I can (insert goal here) if I (insert 2 activities here).
Do this for all three goals.

1. I would be so happy if I weight less than 300lbs

    I can weigh less than 300lbs if I measure my food daily and log my calories, carbs and protein daily.

2. I would be so happy if I was more active

    I can be more active if I walk the dogs with my husband and get a gym buddy.

3. I would be so happy if I got a social work job working for a bariatric surgeon/program

    I can get a social work job in a bariatric program if I get my resume together and send it out.

Now what you have done is implemented a reasonable plan to attain your goals. One more step... Go back to goal 1 and on the next line under your plan write.... If I don't (insert goal here) then (insert feeling, reaction here).

1. I would be so happy if I weight less than 300lbs

    I can weigh less than 300lbs if I measure my food daily and log my calories, carbs and protein daily.

    If I don't weight less than 300lbs then I will feel like a failure at surgery part 2 and resent my surgery.

2. I would be so happy if I was more active

    I can be more active if I walk the dogs with my husband and get a gym buddy.

    If I don't become more active, it is likely that I will not reach my first goal. 

3. I would be so happy if I got a social work job working for a bariatric surgeon/program

    I can get a social work job in a bariatric program if I get my resume together and send it out.

    If I don't get a job in a bariatric setting then I will get a job somewhere else. 

Now you have a goal, a plan to implement the goal and a motivator because you know you don't want to feel xyz or have reaction abc happen. For me. I have 5lbs to lose til I'm in twoderville so I know/assume goal 1 will happen eventually. I know if I don't get more active it is likely I wont reach goal, wont feel good about myself etc etc... If I don't land my dream job right now, which is possible I wont because most surgeons wont hire me til I reach goal, then I will have to settle for another job. These are my motivators. This is what I want to accomplish in 2011.

I hope you find this helpful to having a more meaningful 2011.

Happy New Years!

xoxo

Sleeve Pixie, LMSW!!!! 

PS.... For those of you who don't know, I have been MIA for the last 2 weeks studying 8-10 hours a day for my Licensing exam. I passed my licensing exam and I am now a Licensed Social Worker! What a great ending to 2010!!!

When You Can't Afford Your Health... Bah Humbug

As the holiday season is upon us, and everywhere you go the Christmas songs are playing, the world is usually in holiday spirits... As for me, all I have to say is "Bah Humbug". This morning I awoke to find myself in a familiar predicament. As we were sitting around the table eating breakfast my step-dad shared that he had been laid off from his job. Aside for the fact that jobs are scare to begin with, my step-dad is a Jeweler and with the passing of Christmas the Jewelry market essentially shuts down for the month of January. This means for us, that he has no chance of getting work til the end of January early February. Although my mom works, she doesn't make enough to cover the mortgage, the house bills, the food etc... We are all scared, especially me.

For a period of time when I had my lap-band, my husband and I were living in an apartment we couldn't afford and we were lucky to have one meal a day. We just couldn't afford to eat. As a result, the small amounts of money we did have usually wound up being spent on pizza or fast food because it was way cheaper that buying salads, chicken, fish etc.. I remember nights where we would turn the apartment upside down looking for lost change to buy food. This led us to having to move in with my mom a year ago because we just couldn't keep ourselves afloat. Well, here we are again. My parents are talking about what to do if they can't make the mortgage and it just takes me right back.

Healthy food is sooo expensive and there is so little I can actually get down. I don't want to fill my sleeve wit Pizza and junk food. I want to succeed. I NEED to succeed. I am afraid I will no longer be able to afford my vitamins or my health insurance. I already had to give my license plates back to the DMV due to an old lapse in insurance coverage. The second one in the last 3 years. I am afraid I wont have money to go to the gym and its just way too damn cold to go out walking.

What do you do, when you just can't afford to be healthy? Well, I refuse to fail. I refuse to let this get me down. I can't be that person anymore. So I have come up with a meal plan that will have to work for me, until this passes... This too shall pass...

My New Meal Plan 4 of these meals every day:
Chobani Yogurt w SF syrup
Egg Beaters with Organic Veggies
Canned Tuna with I tsp on RF Mayo
Organic Salad with Tuna
Protein Shake made with Skim Plus
1 slice of chicken breast with 1 slice of part skim cheese

This will bring my weekly grocery bill for just myself to $45 a week or $6.43 a day. This is less than the cost of a value meal at the local fast food joint. It's Healthy, full of protein and vitamins and minerals and will help me succeed. I AM A WINNER!! Granted I would also have to add approximately $25 a month to buy protein powder but it just so happens that I have one tub at home to start with. So that will save me some money for now.

Whenever things seem bleak and you don;t know how you can move forward... know there is always a way. Clip coupons, shop online for the best deals before you visit the stores, so whatever you have to do to make this work!

Wishing you all a happy holiday season!
xoxo
Sleeve Pixie