The True Meaning of Support.

Today's blog I am dedicating to all the supportive WLS spouses, friends and family members. I met my husband while I was studying abroad in Israel. He is Israeli and his family lives in Jerusalem. We met through a mutual friend and at the time it seemed we were from two different worlds. Different backgrounds, different circles, activities etc... As we grew to know each other, I fell in love with his smile and his non-judgmental-ness. He fell in love with my love and care for others. We knew we wanted to get married within 4 months of dating and we were married a short year after than on Dec 01,2005. We were kids when we got married. I was 20. He was 22. We had a very idealistic idea of how the world works. We wanted to have kids right away and start our family. After a year of trying and no pregnancies we sought out a reproductive specialist and our WLS journey began. I was pushing 365lbs and we decided that losing weight was the most responsible decision we could make before conceiving. Looking back, that was prob the first responsible decision we EVER made. We were young and carefree and so in love. We were the kind of couple that thrived on high levels of emotion and passion and excitement. Oh, and lot's of fighting! I didn't really understand what it meant to be a "WE" as I had been an "I" for so long. I was the kind of girl who never consulted anyone. I did what I wanted, when I wanted. I guess I am still kind of like that. Perhaps it's the ENFP (my Myer Briggs Personality type) in me.

My husband on the other hand is a giver. He never asks for anything. He never wants for anything and is always happy with what he has. In fact he is prob the worst person ever to cook for and shop for. He likes pretty much whatever I feed him and whatever I buy him and he is always appreciative!

With all three surgeries he was by my side every single step of the way. When I had my band, He was supposed to be able to stay with me over night but when he complained because my night nurse refused to help me out of bed to walk they threw him out. He slept in the car that night just in case I called and needed him. When i had my band out, new surgeon new hospital and a private room he again stayed by my side and slept in the hospital with me. When I had my sleeve, another private room, he stayed with me all 3 days and nights, never once leaving my side except to use the bathroom. He walked with me, held my hand, made sure I was taken care of properly and did all the things I had expected him to plus more than I could ever have imagined. He always took the week off from work after each surgery to be home and tend to my every need and want. What more could I ask for? Not a damn thing!

He never berated me for my weight. He always told me I was beautiful and sexy when I was 265lbs and when I was 391lbs. He never made me feel like it was my fault we couldn't get pregnant and when I decided I wanted a revision, he never made me feel like a failure. He stood my side from thick to thin!

Today will be day 6 that I have been sick. Yesterday, while my husband was out running some errands for his store, he came home in the middle of the day to make sure I had Orange Juice and food.

I have heard many times that WLS makes a good marriage better and bad marriage worse. It's not the actual surgery that changes things. It's not event he weight loss. Some people get married because they feel this is the best they can do. When we are overweight, we wonder... Will anyone else love me when I look like this? I guess this is the best I can do because I don't have very much to offer. Maybe you fell in love with the person simply because they loved you. Those things cause marriages to fail when you realize you DO have self worth. I have always known I had self worth. I always had a lot of love to offer. I still do. I only want to offer it to my husband though. For me, I don't want to be with a guy who wouldn't love me fat. A guy who can't see me worth farther than skin deep. Guys always hit on me. At any weight I never had a hard time finding a date. But that is just not enough for me. My husband is worth more than his weight in 24k gold. He supports me in my adventures, my career, my WLS, my hopes and my dreams. He supports me when no one else does and I try my very best to do that for him too. Sure we have had our struggles our fights and whatever but who doesn't?

When the world throws you lemons, does your husband help you make lemonade or does he move out of the way so he doesn't get hit too? I hope to be making lemonade with my husband forever! Thank you for always supporting me! I love you!

I Need Air... Especially at Night!

Last night was the first night I decided to try and sleep with out my CPAP. I wanted to see with the monitoring of my Fitbit, how many times I woke up...

I was diagnosed with Obstructive Sleep Apnea after I fell asleep behind the wheel and almost hit an 18 wheeler.

"Obstructive sleep apnea is a potentially serious sleep disorder in which breathing repeatedly stops and starts during sleep. Several types of sleep apnea exist, but the most common type is obstructive sleep apnea, which occurs when your throat muscles intermittently relax and block your airway during sleep. The most noticeable sign of obstructive sleep apnea is snoring, although not everyone who has obstructive sleep apnea snores." ~Mayo Clinic

I was 19 when I was diagnosed. I was dating my husband at the time and hated the thought of having to wear this full faced mask. I was embarrassed in front of this guy who I really liked. I didn't know if he thought I'd be a freak. The thought of never being able to fall asleep in his arms killed me. Starting this new relationship this way was just no fun. Yep I worry.... A LOT!

Luckily for me, he was super supportive! He made me wear the mask every single night. He would even put it back on when I ripped it off in my sleep. It took a lot of getting used to, but eventually it became routine. Now that we are married for over five years, I still hate the stupid mask on my face, but it has become a ritual for me and my husband. Every night when we are ready for bed my husband comes to my side, kisses me goodnight and puts the mask on for me; Just like he did when I resisted wearing it. It's become sort of a romantic gesture in our lives believe it or not. Talk about turning a negative into something beautiful!

Last night I decided to try to sleep without it... I only woke up twice without my CPAP. I am exhausted today, so I know I still need it, but I did wake up with out any of the side effects like the horrible headache that pounds every time you move and the dizzyness from not getting enough oxygen at night.
This is what my sleep report looked like on my Fitbit page today! 99% sleep efficiency without the machine... Maybe there is hope that one day I will no longer need the thing.

To Our Health,
xoxo
Sleeve Pixie