Success Through Failure

"You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don't try to forget the mistakes, but you don't dwell on it. You don't let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space." - Johnny Cash


I read this on my facebook news feed today and immediately thought it's time to blog!

With so many revision surgeries being done these days, many patients going through this, experience an unbelievable amount of guilt and tremendous feelings of failure.

I can and have definitely shared my feelings of failure when after 2.5 years after my Lap-Band I had only lost 27lbs. In all honesty and fairness, I had really lost 57lbs but after all the throwing up I experienced, my body held onto 30lbs worth of everything I put in my mouth the two months after my band was removed.

We all turned to Weight Loss Surgery as a last resort. One final effort to lose the weight and get healthy and at our LAST RESORT, we failed AGAIN!! If you have gone through this you know exactly the feelings I am talking about.

These feelings also keep many WLS patients from seeking the help they need from their doctors when it is probably needed the most. Remember those feelings of empowerment you felt when you started your first steps towards surgery? The feelings of control you had as you were finally going to take the reins of your life and control the direction of your future? Those positive feelings can be hard to get back the second time around. Trust me... I know...

This quote is exactly the mindset we should have. Don't dwell on the failure. Use it as a stepping stone. Figure out what went wrong the first time and do it right the next time around. If that means getting more educated, do it! If that means getting into therapy, do it! It may mean working out or being more mindful of the things you eat... Whatever it is, do it!

To your success!
xoxo
Sleeve Pixie

Passover... a Bariatric Post-op Lesson

Passover is probably my most favorite Jewish Holiday. To all my Jewish readers... wipe that look off your face! Yes I enjoy 8 days of matzah brei and nescafe. lol

I was thinking about this today while i was driving to work before I had  my coffee. Not sure what made me think of it but here it goes...

Passover is a holiday in which we celebrate the exodus from Egypt. We as Jews went from being slaves for 210 years to being free and the whole holiday is very symbolic. During the first two nights of the holidays we hold a feast which is a called a Seder which means order for those of you who don't speak Hebrew. It's a very organized event.

Everything we do, eat, say is very symbolic. We talking a lot about the idea of going from being slaves to free (wo)men. We drink wine and lean to left like kings while drinking and eating.

So I could take this one of two ways... One is the obvious of going from being a slave to our bodies, a slave to food, a slave to disease and then having surgery and being free but that while that's a lovely comparison, that's not where I am going tonight...

I was thinking this morning as I was driving about the concept of eating after weight loss surgery. We go from being slaves to our bodies and food to being... well... slaves to our bodies and food. How sad is that? Some of us are slaves to the scale while others become slaves to calorie counting or exercise or the worst of all... DIETING!!!

I have talked about this a lot in the past... NO MORE DIET MENTALITY!! One of the things I love about Judaism which hits home particularly during certain holidays is the idea of moderation. Jews can do anything but with moderation. We can eat, but not certain things. We can drink but only certain drinks. We can drive and play on facebook and watch TV etc but only on certain days... There is a time and place for everything. Even things we are not supposed to eat, drink and do are permitted under certain circumstances. Nothing is every 100% forbidden. I LOVE THIS!

On passover, we eat in excess, we drink in excess we act like kings for two nights out of the year. We don't feel guilt about it or shame. We are supposed to be excited and full of joy! So to in our post-op lives. I can't tell you how many patients I see that struggle to find balance in their post-op lives. There is a fear of eating certain foods,like a bite of cake, wearing certain clothes, like a bathing suit, going certain places like to a booth in the restaurant. Stop being afraid to live your life! It's ok to eat a bite or two of cake on some occasions! It's ok to show off your new body at times! It's ok to try new experiences and feel good about them! Learn moderation and let that replace the constant diet mentality or abstinence mentality if you will. Everything is ok under certain circumstances.

To me that is the message of Passover. So tomorrow night, I am going to eat a little too much, drink a little too much and feel like a Queen! No guilt, no shame and no self loathing. I'm not cheating, falling off some imaginary wagon, or being a bad girl. I am living life.

I hope you can all experience life the way I have learned to!
xoxo
Sleeve Pixie

I'm Letting Go... Of ME!

I thought you were my friend.
I thought you were my comfort.
I tried to lean on you.
But you almost took me under.
It's taken all my will.
It's taken all my prayers
To get me here
To get me here from there

I'm getting free at last.
You're nothing but my past.
And im not going back
To how it used to be
When you had your hold on me.
I'm getting free at last.

You know what to say.
You know just how to temp me.
Whenever I give in
All I feel is empty.
I'm tired of hating me
and living with no pride.
I'm letting go of you.
I'm letting go of you.
I'm taking back my life.

I'm getting free at last.
You're nothing but my past.
And im not going back
To how it used to be
When you had your hold on me.
I'm getting free at last.

No more looking in the mirror
At someone I dont recognize.
And now without you
I can see who I am
Who I've always been inside.
~Dan Evans, Letter to My Addiction

We all have addictions in our lives we have let go of or desperately need to let go of. For some its certain foods. For others it may drugs, alcohol, gambling, shopping, sex, a friend/partner/family member, work, drama etc etc etc. No matter what you have yourself caught up in, I ask you... Why are you still holding on? What is it about this substance that has you like a fish on a hook. You need it! Want it! Enjoy it! Whatever!! 

Some of us hold on because of a physical grip. Withdrawal is never a fun process. Some of us hold on because of an emotional connection to a thing, person or behavior. Some of us hold on because the fear of "the change" is still greater than the pain of the situation. Yet others will hold on because they think it makes them strong. There is this idea or myth even, that there is a strength about seeing the end of a road as opposed to veering off the path. It's just not true! 

I read a quote this morning and clearly it's been on my mind... “Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.” — Herman Hesse

This weekend in Vegas has been more than trying for me on many levels. I have had some personal turmoil and I have had to let go of some people in my life. Dear friends, who meant the world to me. While I am devastated on multiple levels this is not what drove me to sit down and blog today. 

Today I am struggling with letting go of a part of myself. A part of myself I have grown to know and love. My carefree innocence in a world  of professionalism cannot co-exist with my new "grown-up" life. I made a choice a few years ago that when I graduated with my masters and got my license I was going to give back. I was going to use my education to better the lives of other bariatric post-ops. I consider myself to be on the road to career success. Bare in mind that my definition of success may vary from yours. I am not talking about monetary success. I am a licensed mental health professional. That to me is success!

So here I am. Struggling with wanting to be me. All of me! The good the bad and the ugly. Trying to figure out which parts of me must go and which parts can stay... I will keep you updated as I figure it out :-)

xoxo

Sleeve Pixie

Question of the Day! Answer for Some....

We have all had our ups and downs with Weight Loss Surgery. My question to you today is this... If you knew then, what you know now, would you change anything? 

If so, What would you change?

I would change my surgeon. My first one... I wish I had gone to someone who offered more options than the band. I may have chosen differently. But hey, everything happens for a reason right?

Post below and I will send 2 of you Click samples! 

Dining Out post WLS

While I know it is probably best not to dine out much after WLS, there are occasions that call for meals in a restaurant. Yesterday I went to Atlantic City to meet up with a few post-op friends. When the time came to sit down for lunch we chose a place and began scouting the menu.

We decided on sharing an appetizer so we wouldn't have left overs to carry around. For 3 of us the bill was relatively small. I didn't think much about it then but the thought hit me later on... We probably did not leave a big enough tip!

Now that we eat so much less, I know I tend to order so much less. While that is great for my wallet, the person who gets the short end of the stick is usually your server.

Pre-WLS, think about how much you used to spend dining out with one person. Take a place like TGIFridays... a place I used to frequent before my WLS days. When I went with my husband, we used to share an appetizer, get two meals and either 1 or 2 desserts. Plus the two sodas I drank with my meal. The server has been to my table about 6 times brought us many many soda refills without being asked usually and the bill wound up coming to somewhere between $50-$60. Right? Story sound familiar?

Post-WLS, hypothetically, My hubby and I go to TGIFridays (which we do every other month or so) and he orders the 3 course meal for 17 dollars. Generally he will get the green bean fries, some type of fish and dessert. What do I order.... Nothing! We share. Why... Because I cannot eat more than 4 ounces of food in one sitting. I no longer order a soda or anything else to drink because if it's there I will drink with my meal and I don't want to do that so I just skip it all together, I will have two green bean fries, about 3oz of his fish and one bite of whatever dessert he orders, if there is still room, which usually there isn't. So this now cuts our bill in half to about $25. The server has still been to the table at least times, still brings hubby his soda refills and does a little less work.

Now we get the bill. Generally we leave a 20% tip which would amount to about $5. Is that enough? I don't think so... What do you think? the odds are, unless you have been a server at one point in your life you probably don't think much about this. I didn't either until yesterday and I have been a post-op for 3 years! I think perhaps we should start tipping as if we were eating two meals. What do you think?

xoxo
Sleeve Pixie

Is Half Way to Nowhere Still Half Way?

Is half way to nowhere still half way? What a question huh? Well here is what prompted today's post... I posted on Monday on my Sleeve Pixie page on Facebook that I just realized I now have lost more than I have to lose.. So I have officially passed the "half way" mark with regard to my weight loss. While this is an amazing accomplishment and i do not want to diminish my success in any way shape or form, the words half way started to get to me.

There has been a lot of talk in out community about regain and maintenance lately and many people do struggle to maintain their loss. Regain is a harsh reality for us and something everyone will face. Your regain may be a as little as a pound or as much as everything you have lost, plus some.

Maintenance is not a goal, or destination on this weight loss journey, it is merely just a service station along the highway of life. So from here I ask again... is half way to nowhere, still half way?

While generally this is the time where i give you some advice, words of wisdom, answer to the question etc., today I am not going to. Like everything else I believe you have to decide what the best answer is for yourself! So friends, tell me!

xoxo
Sleeve Pixie

Thought For Today... Happiness

We think being thin will make us all better... Skinnyness is like money... While they may both bring us superficial things their opposites cannot, they will never give us true happiness. Happiness is found within what we have. So if you are just starting your journey or if you are broke, find something about YOU, on the inside that makes you happy!!

Thought For Today... One Pound

WOW!!! I have lost 75lbs in the last 5 months with my VSG (and VSG pre-op diet)... That is awesome! I have lost 101lbs since I started my WLS journey and I only have another 110lbs to lose for my personal goal. When I started this journey I had over 200lbs to lose to reach a healthy weight. I never ever in a million years thought it was possible. I'm not looking at the next 100lbs I'm just looking at the next POUND... just one single teeny tiny little POUND eventually each little, tiny, seemingly insignificant will equal my goal weight.

Have you ever started walking, saw your destination up the road a piece and thought to yourself.. "That is just sooo far! I don't know if I can/should/want to walk there." I'm sure you have at one point... Have you ever tried the trick of looking at the floor when you walk and watching your steps? No?? Try it!!

Next time you have to walk some where, walk there while looking at the steps you take. Walk for 30 seconds this way, I promise you when you look up. You will be surprised at how far you have come :-)

Just a pound at a time!
Sleeve Pixie

Ask Yourself This...

I came across this today and thought, hmm what a great question! In case you don't understand this question is essentially asking you... if you had no idea of your age, based on your thoughts, actions, maturity etc how old would you think are.

I would be 23... at least I think so...

Me? Bad-Ass?

Last night, I had a heart to heart with a good friend of mine about my recent struggles and frustrations. He told me, "You are a magical person and I love your 're-vision' article and your blog. You have the capacity to be a POWER-house".

He was totally right. I had forgotten for a moment, even if only a brief one, what I was doing. I fell to the back of the line because I was too tired of pushing to the front. I was ready to give up and again admit defeat. That is the self saboteur in me.. She figures out how to pick the lock on her cage every now and again no matter what I do to keep her at bay. As I sat there talking to my friend, I found myself complaining about my life, my situation my DRAMA.

Then he said something to me that I don't even think he knows meant much of anything to me. He said, remember "it's only temporary!"

Huh? What do you mean it's only temporary?? It's RIGHT NOW!! I hate this situation RIGHT NOW!! I don' care that it will not be the case in 10 minutes or 10 days or even 10 months, but RIGHT NOW I am struggling... Then it hit me... like a ton of bricks... This is the addict in me talking!! This impulsive I want it and I want it NOW behavior and way of thinking is the addict in me coming out to rear its ugly head.. I have been working so hard on the abstinence of the drug of my choosing (food) that I have over looked the addict within me and she has been waiting silently for the right moment, the right opportunity to strike!

Perhaps one may even call it a transfer of addictions... I can no longer use food to cover up my feelings so now I cling to anger, depression, drama, the thrill of the fight, the choosing of the sides, the win, the kill, the BULL! I have to stop! I have to refocus and retrain the little me who is still an addict and perhaps always will be.  I have to learn to change my ways of coping with... whatever the RIGHT NOW is.

Now I will be the first to admit, this is probably the hardest thing you will ever have to do. Change your essence. Everything about you and your life has fostered and nourished the addict in you. From your enablers to your self sabotaging behaviors. I admire you for even taking the first step on this long hard journey. But I promise the end more than justifies the means!

It was suggested last night that I make a list of all the "bad-ass" things about me... I started to think... I am going to tell the world about my bad-assness lol Blogspot here I come and watch out! Then I thought... hmmm... What is bad-ass about me?

Do you know whats bad-ass about you?? Well let me start you off... You are currently reading my blog. I think that is pretty darn bad-ass if I do say so myself :-) Now you finish! Make a list of what is bad ass about you!! Put in a journal, on a blog, leave it in my comments below if you want to. But you should know what is bad-ass about yourself. So here is my list.... My friend started me off by telling me being an LMSW (Licensed Master Social Worker). is pretty bad ass bad-ass...

In case you are having some trouble with your list... Let me define BAD-ASS for you!

BAD-ASS
1. adjective. having extremely favorable qualities
2. adjective. pertaining to a person or thing that is rugged, strong, and/or ready to show these qualities
3. noun. person who is perceived to have the qualities in definition 2
What Makes Me A Bad-Ass!

1. I am an LMSW 
2. I am an OH SGL
3. I am a "Revision"ary
4. I can go over an hour on the elliptical
5. I am 296.4lbs as of this morning! 
6. I write a pretty bad-ass blog!
7. I am beautiful inside and out.
8. I am sexy and desirable.
9. I have integrity.
10. I am open, honest, empathetic and welcoming to all.
11. I am a giver.
12. I can have a drink with the boys and put on make-up with the girls
13. I have a great sense of self confidence and self worth
14. I have a group of bad-ass friends that love me unconditionally! 
15. I met the man of my dreams
16. I married the man of my dreams
17. I am on the path to live up to my greatest potential
18. I take full advantage of my opportunities
19. I take risks
20. I have unbelievable insight into myself.

If I sat here for a few more hours I can definitely come up with a much better list but for now 20 will have to do. I will write this list on paper and keep it somewhere that I can add to it as things pop into my head or happen. How is your list shaping up?

Remember we are all bad-ass in one way or another!
in love and support
Sleeve Pixie

Thought for Today...

Thought for today! When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.
~Helen Keller


In life there are many doors we must go through, usually blindly... We don't always know what lies beyond the doorway. Life is really nothing more than a series of rooms. The meat of life is who we share those rooms with and how we rearrange the furniture. 


How have you arranged the furniture in the room you are in now? (I don't mean this literally by the way)