Hello everyone... I know its been along while since I've posted on here... or anywhere for that matter... But here I am. A lot has happened in the last few years...
I have moved my office... Expanded my practice and realized it is time to close the chapter of SleevePixie and Bariatric Revisionary once and for all.
I have been toying with the idea for a while now and I really miss the day to day interactions with you all and the fun raffles and things i used to do for you all.
So today, I close the door to open a new one!!! Rachel's Comfy Couch... the practice I opened 4 years ago while you all read and cheered is going strong! It has a new home on Long Island and now it's time for a new blog!!
Please dear read friends new and old... Join me at "Tales from the Couch"!
Below you will find the links to the new Facebook page and the new blog.
Rachel's Comfy Couch - Facebook Page
Tales from the Couch
Things you can look forward to on the new blog and page... Therapeutic wisdom and insight from me, funny pictures, recipes, Questions, guest bloggers, and more! Topics will include, Weight Loss Surgery, depression, anxiety, relationship issues, therapy modalities, trauma talk and anything else you ask for :)
I look forward to seeing you there.
xoxo
SleevePixie
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Friday, February 27, 2015
Closing the Chapter to Begin Anew
Labels:
bad-ass,
divorce,
friends,
happiness,
Im worth it,
New York,
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why do I write
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Dear Obesity...
Dear Obesity,
There is honestly nothing dear about you... We first met at my birth. I was over 9lbs. Big baby! We continued our "friendship" throughout my childhood. I was cute, chubby, but not yet obese.
You started to rear your ugly head in about 2nd grade. You showed your red flags. I didn't know yet that you would be abusive. It started slowly. At first, you made my peers laugh at me and call me names. You started to isolate me.
Then you made me feel like a ton of bricks when my family couldn't carry me around anymore. They told me I was a big girl. Back then I thought it meant "grown up" but now I know I was wrong. As more time went on you made me feel insecure and weak. You made me think I was the problem. I wasn't... YOU were.
You cheated me. Robbed me of confidence and sense of self. I hid behind many masks as a young kid. Big frumpy clothes was a big defense for me. I hid you because I was ashamed of you. My shame only fed you and made you stronger. You stole away my summers. I never wanted to wear a bathing suit. Even in camp, the pool was torture. I believe everyone was staring at me, mocking me, mocking you...
My family tried to save me from you by sending me to fat camp. It helped in a way. You still controlled my body but I got back my mind. I found the confidence you snatched away from me all those years ago. I no longer looked at the floor when I walked through the crowds at school. I no longer wore baggy clothes and started to try new styles. As hard as I tried to overcome you... I failed... So many times I failed...
Things were a little better in high school. I didn't let you stop me from making friends or playing sports or even the occasional date. But you still continued to make things rough. People still made fun of me. You made me a doormat. I did everything for everyone. I had to work harder to make friends because you made it so hard for people to even want to give me a shot.
At the age of 16 you started to gain control again. Remember, it was the day you stopped me from riding the roller coaster. I gave up a big part of me to you that day. You took my BF next when he told me he no longer found me attractive. You stole my prom away from me. My date was a female friend. You took away my comfort every time I sat down to eat in public, every time I looked at a chair or a booth or a bathroom stall. You robbed me of the freedom of doing all the things my friends did because you instilled in me a fear that told me I couldn't.
The worst came when I met my now ex-husband... thanks a lot for that btw... You robbed my marriage blind for years. You made me wear a machine over my face each night when I went to bed. You stole from me 2502 nights that I could never sleep in his arms. You stole from me... the abilty to cook him dinner and the ability to clean our house. But there was nothing worse then you stealing away my ability to give him a child.
As much as you stole from me, the worst part of it all... I completely let you... Eventually my ex got tired of being robbed and so did I.
I made the decision then and there you wouldn't be allowed to control me anymore. You wouldnt tell me not to walk there, sit in that chair, get on that amusement park ride, talk to that guy, buy that dress, go to the beach or anything else you never allowed me to do. You are no longer allowed to make me feel bad or ugly or shameful. I now know that I am beautiful and worthy of more then you ever allowed me to have. So good bye obesity. I am taking the keys and getting in the drivers seat of my own life. FOR GOOD!!
Since I've let you go, I've walked... the Brooklyn Bridge and the runway. I've rode the roller coasters in Las Vegas and Coney Park. I've spoken to that guy... and that one and that one too, while wearing that dress on the beach! With all this new found control over my life... who knows what I'll do next!
xoxo
SleevePixie
There is honestly nothing dear about you... We first met at my birth. I was over 9lbs. Big baby! We continued our "friendship" throughout my childhood. I was cute, chubby, but not yet obese.
You started to rear your ugly head in about 2nd grade. You showed your red flags. I didn't know yet that you would be abusive. It started slowly. At first, you made my peers laugh at me and call me names. You started to isolate me.
Then you made me feel like a ton of bricks when my family couldn't carry me around anymore. They told me I was a big girl. Back then I thought it meant "grown up" but now I know I was wrong. As more time went on you made me feel insecure and weak. You made me think I was the problem. I wasn't... YOU were.
You cheated me. Robbed me of confidence and sense of self. I hid behind many masks as a young kid. Big frumpy clothes was a big defense for me. I hid you because I was ashamed of you. My shame only fed you and made you stronger. You stole away my summers. I never wanted to wear a bathing suit. Even in camp, the pool was torture. I believe everyone was staring at me, mocking me, mocking you...
My family tried to save me from you by sending me to fat camp. It helped in a way. You still controlled my body but I got back my mind. I found the confidence you snatched away from me all those years ago. I no longer looked at the floor when I walked through the crowds at school. I no longer wore baggy clothes and started to try new styles. As hard as I tried to overcome you... I failed... So many times I failed...
Things were a little better in high school. I didn't let you stop me from making friends or playing sports or even the occasional date. But you still continued to make things rough. People still made fun of me. You made me a doormat. I did everything for everyone. I had to work harder to make friends because you made it so hard for people to even want to give me a shot.
At the age of 16 you started to gain control again. Remember, it was the day you stopped me from riding the roller coaster. I gave up a big part of me to you that day. You took my BF next when he told me he no longer found me attractive. You stole my prom away from me. My date was a female friend. You took away my comfort every time I sat down to eat in public, every time I looked at a chair or a booth or a bathroom stall. You robbed me of the freedom of doing all the things my friends did because you instilled in me a fear that told me I couldn't.
The worst came when I met my now ex-husband... thanks a lot for that btw... You robbed my marriage blind for years. You made me wear a machine over my face each night when I went to bed. You stole from me 2502 nights that I could never sleep in his arms. You stole from me... the abilty to cook him dinner and the ability to clean our house. But there was nothing worse then you stealing away my ability to give him a child.
As much as you stole from me, the worst part of it all... I completely let you... Eventually my ex got tired of being robbed and so did I.
I made the decision then and there you wouldn't be allowed to control me anymore. You wouldnt tell me not to walk there, sit in that chair, get on that amusement park ride, talk to that guy, buy that dress, go to the beach or anything else you never allowed me to do. You are no longer allowed to make me feel bad or ugly or shameful. I now know that I am beautiful and worthy of more then you ever allowed me to have. So good bye obesity. I am taking the keys and getting in the drivers seat of my own life. FOR GOOD!!
Since I've let you go, I've walked... the Brooklyn Bridge and the runway. I've rode the roller coasters in Las Vegas and Coney Park. I've spoken to that guy... and that one and that one too, while wearing that dress on the beach! With all this new found control over my life... who knows what I'll do next!
xoxo
SleevePixie
Labels:
body dysmorphia,
body image,
broken,
Brooklyn Bridge,
Change,
CPAP,
failure,
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Heavy,
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support
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Things To Do Instead Of Eating!
Have you ever been so bored all you could do was think about food? Ever wish those thoughts would just go away!
Well here is a list of 60 things you can do to take your mind off of food!
1. Call a friend, your sponsor, a support person, anyone who you can talk to who will either get your mind off of food, or someone to talk to about whatever it is that you might be feeling.
2. Go for a brisk walk
3. Meditate or listen to a hypnosis or guided visualization download.
4. Give yourself a manicure/pedicure– can’t binge with wet nails.
5. Volunteer at the ASPCA to walk dogs or pet cats.
6. Watch a funny movie at home.
7. Take a shower, give yourself a hot oil treatment, shave your legs, tweeze your brows– self care time.
8.) Get organized sort out your bills, create a budget– organize your home. Often getting organized can help you feel more in control and enable you to thwart a binge, which can often feel very out of control.
9. Draw, paint or color.
10. Knit, crochet or do needlepoint
11. Take a nap
12. Get out of your house and into your car, go to the beach, the lake, the park… somewhere pretty and relaxing.
13. Clean out your closet, donate your old clothes or sell them on eBay.
14. Read a good book.
15. Put on music and dance it out. Go out dancing. Call your friends over and have a dance party.
16. Go to the gym. Stretch, go to a yoga class, do a yoga DVD or an exercise or yoga class on On Demand cable. Move! Do jumping jacks, run in place, anything to move a little energy and release some tension.
17. Take a relaxing bath with nice bath salts or essential oils.
18. Write in your journal
19. Scream into a pillow.
20. Go to an OA or EDA meeting, either online, in person, or on the phone.
21. Go to an online support forum with other people dealing with eating issues. www.obesityhelp.com www.facebook.com (The LIOS group, many other supportive groups for WLS on fb)
22. Read a magazine
23. Write a blog! Read a blog!
24. Chat with friends on facebook or update your facebook profile. Twitter!
25. Sing!
26. Get your hair done or do your own hair. Experiment with different styles, curling iron, flat iron, curlers, etc.
27. Make cards for people, catch up on Thank You notes, send out notes to relatives you haven’t spoken to or seen in a long time. Not the ones that stress you out and make you want to reach for your old friends Ben and Jerry.
28. Go out and take photos.
29. Play video games or facebook games
30. Write and direct a short play with stuffed animals or Barbie dolls or action figures or your pets or sock puppets and videotape it to put on youtube.
31. Smell lavender
32. Pick flowers
33. Garden
34. Create a collage
35. Go bowling, play pool, play golf or miniature golf, play basketball, hit tennis balls, go to a batting cage, go for a swim.
36. Scrapbook
37. Write an angry letter to whomever you are holding anger at. You don’t have to send it, just let it out. Afterwards, put it somewhere safe. You might let go of some emotions that you’d been stuffing and you might find that you no longer have the urge to binge.
38. Go through old pictures
39. Cuddle with your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, daughter, son, cat, dog, teddy bear, etc.
40. Do karaoke, you can either go out to do it, or do it at home with friends.
41. Play music! If you play an instrument, whip it out and start playing. If not, teach yourself to play one. Beat on some bongos, ping a triangle, strum a guitar, whatever is convenient to you. If nothing, make an instrument out of household objects and play it.
42. Catch up on your emails
43. Learn a new language!
44. Write a letter to your future self, about what you’re going through right now.
45. Write some notes with positive messages and post them around your home or get out of the house and put them up in dressing rooms, public restroom mirrors, restaurants, etc
46. Make a list of why you rock. Think about what’s great about you. Can’t think of those things? Call someone who loves you and ask them to tell you.
47. Light candles and incense and relax
48. Explore your neighborhood or town. Go to local museums or art galleries.
49. Call a friend or relative who has been unhappy lately and needing some support. Sometimes giving support can be incredibly heartening and also supports the supporter.
50. Use crayons to color hard! This can release tension.
51. Search through your couch and house for change! Put everything you can in a jar and put it aside to start a fund for yourself as a motivator in your journey. Every time you reach a milestone, you can buy yourself something fun, like a new pair of shoes, or some jewelry or new CD, or whatever you like within reason.
52. Roll on your back. This is a spinal massage that helps you to feel relaxed and rejuvenated.
53. Read positive affirmations.
54. Write out your intentions or personal goals for yourself for the week. Write out both long term and short term goals- things that you are striving for and ways to help you get there.
55. Throw a temper tantrum! Go into your bedroom, lay on your stomach in your bed and scream into your pillow while you kick your legs and punch your hands into the bed. Ever see kids do this? They expend all that energy and it moves right through them. As adults, we can’t really do this and lots of anger and pain winds up feeling stuck in the body. We often try to stuff that down with food and for some, get rid of it by purging.
56. Make jewelry out of household items or beads or coins.
57. You can also take that old clothing, especially those that are significant to your pre-op days, and cut it up into squares and make a “recovery quilt.”
58. Do a home makeover! Rearrange your furniture; get rid of things that you no longer want– sell them on eBay! Put up some curtains; just make things pretty for yourself.
59. Do volunteer work.
If you can think of any others to add please post below!
xoxo
Sleeve Pixie
Labels:
Change,
Change your Brain,
Choice,
Eating,
Food Adiction,
friends,
help,
Im worth it,
recovery,
reflection,
weight loss,
WLS
Monday, May 23, 2011
I'm No Beauty Queen, I'm Just Beautiful ME!
"You made me insecure
Told me I wasn't good enough
But who are you to judge
When you're a diamond in the rough
I'm sure you got some things
You'd like to change about yourself
But when it comes to me
I wouldn't want to be anybody else
It's such a funny thing
How nothing's funny when it's you
You tell 'em what you mean
But they keep whiting out the truth"
Told me I wasn't good enough
But who are you to judge
When you're a diamond in the rough
I'm sure you got some things
You'd like to change about yourself
But when it comes to me
I wouldn't want to be anybody else
It's such a funny thing
How nothing's funny when it's you
You tell 'em what you mean
But they keep whiting out the truth"
~Selena Gomez
(Who Says)
The last two weeks, I have learned so much. Things about me, things I need to change or work on. Hey, no one is perfect right? I am always open to constructive criticism. I am and have always been open and honest with myself and others, perhaps to a fault. Perhaps I have given over too much, trusted too freely. I have to start treating myself like one of my patients.... the strictest of confidentiality.
I have learned of deception, lies and backstabbing within this community. It makes me sad. But in the last few days, it has really hit home! Two weeks ago, it all started, a miscommunication, a misconception between friends. That's over now and someone else has used the fuel from it's fire. Some one close. THAT hurts.
Careers have been affected. My career has been affected. Some of my friends have been hit, HARD! It's just not fair. I feel like I am between a rock and hard place personally. Here I am... a professional, a social worker, a helper and a post-op, but what I am even more so than all of those things put together is HUMAN. A young human at that.
Someone, I don't know who, sent an anonymous e-mail to my surgeon telling him he should look at my personal facebook. He looked. The whole office saw and he came to me about it. I have never been so mortified in my entire life! My private life, out there in the open now forever mixed in with my professional life. I feel betrayed. My facebook profile is on lock down. NO ONE can see it if they are not friends with me. I made the mistake of letting in one of his staff members. So what was so horrible that I did, that he saw...
He saw a check-in to Applebee's restaurant in which I proclaimed I'd be having a margarita. He saw two pictures that I was tagged in of me being silly with my girlfriends who came in from out of town to see me and attend a WLS event. He saw me say I had bought a shot glass in the airport in Vegas. I have been collecting shot glasses with my husband since our honeymoon. He may have even seen my pictures from my week in Las Vegas. One in particular where I had a drink in each hand (one of which was not mine) in front of the Treasure Island Hotel. Perhaps he saw the picture I took in front of Margaritaville. Yep, it has been a running joke between my friends that tequila is my drink of choice. They post pics and videos and all sorts of silly things. Lastly, he may have seen the check in at serendipity in which my caption was, "I think I found my dumping ground!" I was in Vegas for a post-op meet and greet. All of this happened after the meet and greet with a post-op friend of mine. I didn't even walk into Serendipity because I knew there was nothing for me there and yes I punned off of "dumping syndrome" on my caption. So what really did my surgeon see. He saw me enjoying my life as a 20-something. Having a drink with some girlfriends and being a normal 26 year old.
What he didn't see... I walked the Las Vegas strip 4 times in two days. That is 2.5 miles each way. I walked the Vegas Strip 4 times without being in pain, without having to stop and catch my breath, without asking my friends to slow down and wait for me. What he didn't see is I rode the roller coaster at the New York, New York hotel! He didn't comment on the fact that I wrote in sheer excitement that I FIT into a roller coaster for the first time in over 10 years! He didn't see the posts stating I walked over 12,000 steps almost every day I was in Vegas. He didn't see all the amazing things that I take to be a gift he gave me when he performed my surgery 7 months ago. That man gave me my 20s back and all he saw was the things I did that may not align with perfect post-op values or perfect professionalism.
I will be 26 years old on June 2. I am a normal 26 year old who enjoys going out and being 26. I have a drink or two once in a while. I have fun with my girl friends on occasion. I dance like no one is watching. I am confident and I walk like I am worth a million bucks. Why? Because I am! Those of you who know me, know I am not conceited at all. Many tell me I don't think highly enough of myself, especially on a professional level. I suppose that will come with time though.
I LOVE my work. I LOVE this community. I would do anything ANYTHING to better it. But I cannot and will not give up my life for it. I left the conversation mortified. I left feeling attacked and judged. I have been a mess for two days now! I have to let it go. My only hope is that other's both professional and not will be able to see me for who I am and not expect me to be someone else. While I agree that I may need to pull in the reins and may need to not give so much away on facebook, and I will work on that, I truly believe that being a post op is about getting your life back and living it to the fullest. For some that is running a marathon or climbing a mountain or wearing that size or seeing that number on the scale. For me, it's about walking the Vegas Strip 4 times in zero pain.
Thank you for my life back! It is a gift! One I truly cherish!
I hope each one of my readers will take their gift and live their life in a healthy balanced manner and make sure to never let those moments, those NSVs pass you by!
xoxo
Sleeve Pixie
Labels:
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Sunday, May 15, 2011
I'm Letting Go... Of ME!
I thought you were my friend.
I thought you were my comfort.
I tried to lean on you.
But you almost took me under.
It's taken all my will.
It's taken all my prayers
To get me here
To get me here from there
I'm getting free at last.
You're nothing but my past.
And im not going back
To how it used to be
When you had your hold on me.
I'm getting free at last.
You know what to say.
You know just how to temp me.
Whenever I give in
All I feel is empty.
I'm tired of hating me
and living with no pride.
I'm letting go of you.
I'm letting go of you.
I'm taking back my life.
I'm getting free at last.
You're nothing but my past.
And im not going back
To how it used to be
When you had your hold on me.
I'm getting free at last.
No more looking in the mirror
At someone I dont recognize.
And now without you
I can see who I am
Who I've always been inside.
~Dan Evans, Letter to My Addiction
We all have addictions in our lives we have let go of or desperately need to let go of. For some its certain foods. For others it may drugs, alcohol, gambling, shopping, sex, a friend/partner/family member, work, drama etc etc etc. No matter what you have yourself caught up in, I ask you... Why are you still holding on? What is it about this substance that has you like a fish on a hook. You need it! Want it! Enjoy it! Whatever!!
Some of us hold on because of a physical grip. Withdrawal is never a fun process. Some of us hold on because of an emotional connection to a thing, person or behavior. Some of us hold on because the fear of "the change" is still greater than the pain of the situation. Yet others will hold on because they think it makes them strong. There is this idea or myth even, that there is a strength about seeing the end of a road as opposed to veering off the path. It's just not true!
I read a quote this morning and clearly it's been on my mind... “Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.” — Herman Hesse
This weekend in Vegas has been more than trying for me on many levels. I have had some personal turmoil and I have had to let go of some people in my life. Dear friends, who meant the world to me. While I am devastated on multiple levels this is not what drove me to sit down and blog today.
Today I am struggling with letting go of a part of myself. A part of myself I have grown to know and love. My carefree innocence in a world of professionalism cannot co-exist with my new "grown-up" life. I made a choice a few years ago that when I graduated with my masters and got my license I was going to give back. I was going to use my education to better the lives of other bariatric post-ops. I consider myself to be on the road to career success. Bare in mind that my definition of success may vary from yours. I am not talking about monetary success. I am a licensed mental health professional. That to me is success!
So here I am. Struggling with wanting to be me. All of me! The good the bad and the ugly. Trying to figure out which parts of me must go and which parts can stay... I will keep you updated as I figure it out :-)
xoxo
Sleeve Pixie
Labels:
broken,
Change,
Choice,
friends,
Im worth it,
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Thought for today
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
The True Meaning of Support.
Today's blog I am dedicating to all the supportive WLS spouses, friends and family members. I met my husband while I was studying abroad in Israel. He is Israeli and his family lives in Jerusalem. We met through a mutual friend and at the time it seemed we were from two different worlds. Different backgrounds, different circles, activities etc... As we grew to know each other, I fell in love with his smile and his non-judgmental-ness. He fell in love with my love and care for others. We knew we wanted to get married within 4 months of dating and we were married a short year after than on Dec 01,2005. We were kids when we got married. I was 20. He was 22. We had a very idealistic idea of how the world works. We wanted to have kids right away and start our family. After a year of trying and no pregnancies we sought out a reproductive specialist and our WLS journey began. I was pushing 365lbs and we decided that losing weight was the most responsible decision we could make before conceiving. Looking back, that was prob the first responsible decision we EVER made. We were young and carefree and so in love. We were the kind of couple that thrived on high levels of emotion and passion and excitement. Oh, and lot's of fighting! I didn't really understand what it meant to be a "WE" as I had been an "I" for so long. I was the kind of girl who never consulted anyone. I did what I wanted, when I wanted. I guess I am still kind of like that. Perhaps it's the ENFP (my Myer Briggs Personality type) in me.
My husband on the other hand is a giver. He never asks for anything. He never wants for anything and is always happy with what he has. In fact he is prob the worst person ever to cook for and shop for. He likes pretty much whatever I feed him and whatever I buy him and he is always appreciative!
With all three surgeries he was by my side every single step of the way. When I had my band, He was supposed to be able to stay with me over night but when he complained because my night nurse refused to help me out of bed to walk they threw him out. He slept in the car that night just in case I called and needed him. When i had my band out, new surgeon new hospital and a private room he again stayed by my side and slept in the hospital with me. When I had my sleeve, another private room, he stayed with me all 3 days and nights, never once leaving my side except to use the bathroom. He walked with me, held my hand, made sure I was taken care of properly and did all the things I had expected him to plus more than I could ever have imagined. He always took the week off from work after each surgery to be home and tend to my every need and want. What more could I ask for? Not a damn thing!
He never berated me for my weight. He always told me I was beautiful and sexy when I was 265lbs and when I was 391lbs. He never made me feel like it was my fault we couldn't get pregnant and when I decided I wanted a revision, he never made me feel like a failure. He stood my side from thick to thin!
Today will be day 6 that I have been sick. Yesterday, while my husband was out running some errands for his store, he came home in the middle of the day to make sure I had Orange Juice and food.
I have heard many times that WLS makes a good marriage better and bad marriage worse. It's not the actual surgery that changes things. It's not event he weight loss. Some people get married because they feel this is the best they can do. When we are overweight, we wonder... Will anyone else love me when I look like this? I guess this is the best I can do because I don't have very much to offer. Maybe you fell in love with the person simply because they loved you. Those things cause marriages to fail when you realize you DO have self worth. I have always known I had self worth. I always had a lot of love to offer. I still do. I only want to offer it to my husband though. For me, I don't want to be with a guy who wouldn't love me fat. A guy who can't see me worth farther than skin deep. Guys always hit on me. At any weight I never had a hard time finding a date. But that is just not enough for me. My husband is worth more than his weight in 24k gold. He supports me in my adventures, my career, my WLS, my hopes and my dreams. He supports me when no one else does and I try my very best to do that for him too. Sure we have had our struggles our fights and whatever but who doesn't?
When the world throws you lemons, does your husband help you make lemonade or does he move out of the way so he doesn't get hit too? I hope to be making lemonade with my husband forever! Thank you for always supporting me! I love you!
My husband on the other hand is a giver. He never asks for anything. He never wants for anything and is always happy with what he has. In fact he is prob the worst person ever to cook for and shop for. He likes pretty much whatever I feed him and whatever I buy him and he is always appreciative!
With all three surgeries he was by my side every single step of the way. When I had my band, He was supposed to be able to stay with me over night but when he complained because my night nurse refused to help me out of bed to walk they threw him out. He slept in the car that night just in case I called and needed him. When i had my band out, new surgeon new hospital and a private room he again stayed by my side and slept in the hospital with me. When I had my sleeve, another private room, he stayed with me all 3 days and nights, never once leaving my side except to use the bathroom. He walked with me, held my hand, made sure I was taken care of properly and did all the things I had expected him to plus more than I could ever have imagined. He always took the week off from work after each surgery to be home and tend to my every need and want. What more could I ask for? Not a damn thing!
He never berated me for my weight. He always told me I was beautiful and sexy when I was 265lbs and when I was 391lbs. He never made me feel like it was my fault we couldn't get pregnant and when I decided I wanted a revision, he never made me feel like a failure. He stood my side from thick to thin!
Today will be day 6 that I have been sick. Yesterday, while my husband was out running some errands for his store, he came home in the middle of the day to make sure I had Orange Juice and food.
I have heard many times that WLS makes a good marriage better and bad marriage worse. It's not the actual surgery that changes things. It's not event he weight loss. Some people get married because they feel this is the best they can do. When we are overweight, we wonder... Will anyone else love me when I look like this? I guess this is the best I can do because I don't have very much to offer. Maybe you fell in love with the person simply because they loved you. Those things cause marriages to fail when you realize you DO have self worth. I have always known I had self worth. I always had a lot of love to offer. I still do. I only want to offer it to my husband though. For me, I don't want to be with a guy who wouldn't love me fat. A guy who can't see me worth farther than skin deep. Guys always hit on me. At any weight I never had a hard time finding a date. But that is just not enough for me. My husband is worth more than his weight in 24k gold. He supports me in my adventures, my career, my WLS, my hopes and my dreams. He supports me when no one else does and I try my very best to do that for him too. Sure we have had our struggles our fights and whatever but who doesn't?
When the world throws you lemons, does your husband help you make lemonade or does he move out of the way so he doesn't get hit too? I hope to be making lemonade with my husband forever! Thank you for always supporting me! I love you!
Saturday, March 19, 2011
When Diplomacy Becomes Toxic...
Diplomacy is defined as, skill in handling affairs without arousing hostility. What happens when the hostility is already there? When it has been building for a long time now and hidden under the guise of niceties and cordiality. It could be the aunt who always made fun of your weight and is now secretly jealous of you for getting skinny or your boss a co worker or frenemy?
I think as children we are always told to be nice, and give hugs we don't want to give and say things we have no interest in saying and... we do what we are told. That behavior for many of us has grown into being walked all over because of our weight, our feelings of being less then, worthless etc... Well that should not be the case!
No one is saying you have to be mean, cause drama at the Thanksgiving table, yell at your boss or expose your frenemies. What I am saying, is that you are worth being treated with respect and dignity. It's ok to dislike people. It is even ok to defriend them on facebook! You are not suzy sunshine and anyone who expects you to be clearly has not found the self dignity to handle the confrontation that comes with disliking someone.
There comes a time when diplomacy becomes toxic. The relationships and fake smiles just eat you up inside and you are ready to burst with no where to turn. Today I have decided to take a stand. No more fake friends. No more disliking people because my friends dislike them. No more pretending to like people because of how it may or may not effect my social status, career, opportunities etc. This is NOT high school. I don't have to love the popular girl to get recognized. I am an amazing person and have a lot to bring to the table. If people can not judge me by the worth I have and only by the people I associate with then I am choosing to change the channel! You are not worth me if you cannot see my worth.
"Keeping people in your life who do not better it is not diplomacy, its STUPIDITY!" Plain and simple. Realize you have intrinsic value and worth!
xoxo
Sleeve Pixie
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