Closing the Chapter to Begin Anew

Hello everyone... I know its been  along while since I've posted on here... or anywhere for that matter... But here I am. A lot has happened in the last few years...

I have moved my office... Expanded my practice and realized it is time to close the chapter of SleevePixie and Bariatric Revisionary once and for all.

I have been toying with the idea for a while now and I really miss the day to day interactions with you all and the fun raffles and things i used to do for you all.

So today, I close the door to open a new one!!! Rachel's Comfy Couch... the practice I opened 4 years ago while you all read and cheered is going strong! It has a new home on Long Island and now it's time for a new blog!!

Please dear read friends new and old... Join me at "Tales from the Couch"!
Below you will find the links to the new Facebook page and the new blog.

Rachel's Comfy Couch - Facebook Page
Tales from the Couch

Things you can look forward to on the new blog and page... Therapeutic wisdom and insight from me, funny pictures, recipes, Questions, guest bloggers, and more! Topics will include, Weight Loss Surgery, depression, anxiety, relationship issues, therapy modalities, trauma talk and anything else you ask for :)

I look forward to seeing you there.

xoxo
SleevePixie

I Don't Deserve It... Do I?

A few nights ago I was having a convo with a good friend of mine (Who is having her sleeve as I type!), and she said to me (talking about her upcoming surgery), "I still can't believe it's gonna happen. I feel like something will come up and prevent me from doing it last minute."

My reply to this was to tell her that what she is feeling is normal. Most of us who are overweight for one reason or another have this internal dialogue that tells us we don't deserve good things.

As we continued on talking about this topic I recalled to her a few times in my life I have felt this way. The most recent time I remember feeling this way was the night of my wedding. I recall walking down the aisle on December 1, 2005 thinking to myself, "OK this can't be happening. Who is gonna stand up and object to the marriage? When is Aryeh going to realize he doesn't want to do this?"

Then I told my friend about a time when I was young, couldn't have been more than 5 years old... My school used to take us to the park around the corner to play because the school had no gym. I remember walking down the steps of the school outside on the way to the park thinking to myself, "I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe I am getting to go to the park. This must be a dream." AT 5!! A small little innocent 5 year old... I already didn't think myself worthy of good things. In case you were wondering, yes I was overweight at 5 years old.

Now days, I don't really struggle with this so much. I do feel i deserve good things and happiness. I don't know if that is a result of the weight loss or the counseling I did after my divorce or just a shift in the universe. I doubt the latter. So I wanted to blog this morning and throw this out to you. Have you ever srtuggled with thoughts like this? do you still struggle? If not, what changed for you?

I am very much looking forward to your comments this morning!
xoxo
Sleeve Pixie

I'm Not Done... I'm Back!

It has been just shy of 8 months since my last post to this blog. To all my former avid readers, I am sorry to have neglected you for so long. I have been yelled at time and time again to start blogging again... For a long time, I just couldn't. There was nothing to say. Ok, well, that's not exactly true. There were/are a lot of things to say but I just couldn't get up the courage to say them.

As most of you know, I am recently divorced. My ex walked out on our marriage in mid June 2011. Boy have I learned a lot since! I have learned things about me. I have learned things about life and relationships and all I can say is WOW! It's a scary world out there when you have to face it alone.

I will give you a short update on me in the last few months... Since the separation... I have lost 45lbs. I am currently holding steady at 215lbs, -176lbs since I started my WLS journey. I would love to see 199 sometime this year but my body seems to want to stay in "shape-shifter" mode (stall) and not return to "lets lose some pounds" mode. I have to say, if I never lose another pound, my surgery was a success! I have surpassed every goal I have set for myself when I started this journey and therefore I am happy :)

I have also started dating. That is a whole post in and of itself. I wont even bother here. Like I said before, it's a scary world out there. I will say now though, the whole concept of dating was very very foreign to me. After being with someone for 7 years, going to meet another man makes you feel like you are in the twilight zone the first few times.

In other areas of my life, I am still in private practice loving every moment of it. Nothing gives me more joy then my work. I don't even consider it work. When you love what you do you just get up in the morning and enjoy life. 

I have also developed a serious love fore shoes now that I can walk pretty comfortably in heels. Oh and clothes... A whole new world of clothes has opened up to me. I can now shop in regular stores and fit it their clothes! I have been expanding my list of stores very slowly. I started with New York and Company. I think I am now up to 5 or 6 "normal stores" I have shopped at. Every new store brings a new sort of anxiety. When all you have is Lane Bryant and Avenue you learn how to shop. You know the layout of the store and possibly every single Avenue and Lane Bryant in your 20 mile radius. But hey... who said all these changes were gonna be easy right?

I am gonna try this blogging thing again... I have lots of things to share with you... So for now here is my update and pledge to start again... to lots of new beginnings... CHEERS!

xoxo
SleevePixie

Fat Floats...

Three summers ago when I finally learned how to swim, I remember my friend telling me that she knew I wouldn't drown because I was fat and fat floats. Low and behold... she was right... Now from where I stand today, 140lbs lighter I must say I don't float quite as easily as I used to but the term has taken on a WHOLE NEW meaning for me.

Many of you know and some of you don't, I am divorced. Happened yesterday. I am still civilly married but according to G-d and Jewish law I am single. So my husband is my ex husband now. I have had the most wonderful friends around me. Supportive and caring and kind. I couldn't ask for a better group of friends. In this process of healing from the shock of the separation six weeks ago to the jew-vorce, as I call it, yesterday I have began to look at my methods of coping with the quickness and the pain of it all. I have to say, not so great... but I did realize one thing,. fat floats!

Have you ever heard the expression, "Either you sink or swim!" Well, I have heard it more than once in the last week. My response has always been, "I don't sink. Fat floats!" Two days ago I came to the realization that the quote is not sink or FLOAT... the quote is sink or SWIM. I have just been floating. When we first separated, I reunited with my old friend food. I gained 5lbs in the week I was in Florida alone. Then I quickly realized what I was doing and took the five pounds off the week I got home plus another 4lbs the week after that. Then fourth of July weekend rolled around. Let's just say it was a rough weekend for me. I drank wayyy too much. Tuesday morning I woke up and realized that was not such a great way to cope with the divorce either. I spent the week feeling alone and empty, not eating anything, not drinking at all except for my morning coffee, not going out... just going through the motions I guess.

Saturday morning, I found my way to a bariatric support group and laid it all out on the table. I shared about my divorce, my poor coping methods over the last three weeks and my new found fear of gaining my weight back and losing everything I have worked so hard for. I told the group I knew I was off kilter and needed to find my balance again.

Around mid week I decided that I need help and started therapy again. Of course I should have known better and gotten that help weeks ago but I have to say I have not been in my right mind. I have since seen my therapist twice and she has helped me realize that this divorce is a new beginning for me and that I am strong and will be ok. We have talked about my fears and doubts and hurt. We have talked about better ways to cope and she has helped me understand that it is ok to be vulnerable and it is ok to cry and be upset and that those feelings don't have to be kept bottled up inside.

So now that I am back on track and much more centered than I was a week ago, I will no longer tell you that fat floats. Even though its true, I refuse to be stagnant and floating. I refuse to be fatter than I am. I WILL SWIM. I will move forward and be ok. Maybe not today or tomorrow but I know I will never ever allow myself to sink. I wish you, my friends who are going through a divorce/breakup etc that you find happiness within yourself and the will to keep swimming.

I'd like to leave with a few ideas and a short disclaimer before I go...
Some positive ways to cope with a divorce...

1. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family. They will be your anchor til you can stand again. 
2. Allow yourself to grieve. I went through the stages of grief almost daily. It's normal and healthy.
3. Get out in the sun. The vitamin D is good for you and makes you happy! I sit out every day!
4. Go to therapy! Support groups are great but a good therapist can be a true life saver! 
5. Go for walks or drives by yourself or find a place where you feel safe crying and really feeling whatever it is you have to feel. It is ok! 
6. Find something to smile at every day. A smile can change everything!

Finally... the disclaimer... It is a well known fact that I work in this community and I am aware sharing all of this may have ramifications but that's ok. If I can help even one person to realize there are better ways to cope than food and alcohol than this post has served its purpose. :)

xoxo

Sleeve Pixie