Many of you know and some of you don't, I am divorced. Happened yesterday. I am still civilly married but according to G-d and Jewish law I am single. So my husband is my ex husband now. I have had the most wonderful friends around me. Supportive and caring and kind. I couldn't ask for a better group of friends. In this process of healing from the shock of the separation six weeks ago to the jew-vorce, as I call it, yesterday I have began to look at my methods of coping with the quickness and the pain of it all. I have to say, not so great... but I did realize one thing,. fat floats!
Have you ever heard the expression, "Either you sink or swim!" Well, I have heard it more than once in the last week. My response has always been, "I don't sink. Fat floats!" Two days ago I came to the realization that the quote is not sink or FLOAT... the quote is sink or SWIM. I have just been floating. When we first separated, I reunited with my old friend food. I gained 5lbs in the week I was in Florida alone. Then I quickly realized what I was doing and took the five pounds off the week I got home plus another 4lbs the week after that. Then fourth of July weekend rolled around. Let's just say it was a rough weekend for me. I drank wayyy too much. Tuesday morning I woke up and realized that was not such a great way to cope with the divorce either. I spent the week feeling alone and empty, not eating anything, not drinking at all except for my morning coffee, not going out... just going through the motions I guess.
Saturday morning, I found my way to a bariatric support group and laid it all out on the table. I shared about my divorce, my poor coping methods over the last three weeks and my new found fear of gaining my weight back and losing everything I have worked so hard for. I told the group I knew I was off kilter and needed to find my balance again.
Around mid week I decided that I need help and started therapy again. Of course I should have known better and gotten that help weeks ago but I have to say I have not been in my right mind. I have since seen my therapist twice and she has helped me realize that this divorce is a new beginning for me and that I am strong and will be ok. We have talked about my fears and doubts and hurt. We have talked about better ways to cope and she has helped me understand that it is ok to be vulnerable and it is ok to cry and be upset and that those feelings don't have to be kept bottled up inside.
So now that I am back on track and much more centered than I was a week ago, I will no longer tell you that fat floats. Even though its true, I refuse to be stagnant and floating. I refuse to be fatter than I am. I WILL SWIM. I will move forward and be ok. Maybe not today or tomorrow but I know I will never ever allow myself to sink. I wish you, my friends who are going through a divorce/breakup etc that you find happiness within yourself and the will to keep swimming.
I'd like to leave with a few ideas and a short disclaimer before I go...
Some positive ways to cope with a divorce...
- Surround yourself with supportive friends and family. They will be your anchor til you can stand again.
- Allow yourself to grieve. I went through the stages of grief almost daily. It's normal and healthy.
- Get out in the sun. The vitamin D is good for you and makes you happy! I sit out every day!
- Go to therapy! Support groups are great but a good therapist can be a true life saver!
- Go for walks or drives by yourself or find a place where you feel safe crying and really feeling whatever it is you have to feel. It is ok!
- Find something to smile at every day. A smile can change everything!
Finally... the disclaimer... It is a well known fact that I work in this community and I am aware sharing all of this may have ramifications but that's ok. If I can help even one person to realize there are better ways to cope than food and alcohol than this post has served its purpose. :)