Friday, January 28, 2011

Me? Bad-Ass?

Last night, I had a heart to heart with a good friend of mine about my recent struggles and frustrations. He told me, "You are a magical person and I love your 're-vision' article and your blog. You have the capacity to be a POWER-house".

He was totally right. I had forgotten for a moment, even if only a brief one, what I was doing. I fell to the back of the line because I was too tired of pushing to the front. I was ready to give up and again admit defeat. That is the self saboteur in me.. She figures out how to pick the lock on her cage every now and again no matter what I do to keep her at bay. As I sat there talking to my friend, I found myself complaining about my life, my situation my DRAMA.

Then he said something to me that I don't even think he knows meant much of anything to me. He said, remember "it's only temporary!"

Huh? What do you mean it's only temporary?? It's RIGHT NOW!! I hate this situation RIGHT NOW!! I don' care that it will not be the case in 10 minutes or 10 days or even 10 months, but RIGHT NOW I am struggling... Then it hit me... like a ton of bricks... This is the addict in me talking!! This impulsive I want it and I want it NOW behavior and way of thinking is the addict in me coming out to rear its ugly head.. I have been working so hard on the abstinence of the drug of my choosing (food) that I have over looked the addict within me and she has been waiting silently for the right moment, the right opportunity to strike!

Perhaps one may even call it a transfer of addictions... I can no longer use food to cover up my feelings so now I cling to anger, depression, drama, the thrill of the fight, the choosing of the sides, the win, the kill, the BULL! I have to stop! I have to refocus and retrain the little me who is still an addict and perhaps always will be.  I have to learn to change my ways of coping with... whatever the RIGHT NOW is.

Now I will be the first to admit, this is probably the hardest thing you will ever have to do. Change your essence. Everything about you and your life has fostered and nourished the addict in you. From your enablers to your self sabotaging behaviors. I admire you for even taking the first step on this long hard journey. But I promise the end more than justifies the means!

It was suggested last night that I make a list of all the "bad-ass" things about me... I started to think... I am going to tell the world about my bad-assness lol Blogspot here I come and watch out! Then I thought... hmmm... What is bad-ass about me?

Do you know whats bad-ass about you?? Well let me start you off... You are currently reading my blog. I think that is pretty darn bad-ass if I do say so myself :-) Now you finish! Make a list of what is bad ass about you!! Put in a journal, on a blog, leave it in my comments below if you want to. But you should know what is bad-ass about yourself. So here is my list.... My friend started me off by telling me being an LMSW (Licensed Master Social Worker). is pretty bad ass bad-ass...

In case you are having some trouble with your list... Let me define BAD-ASS for you!

1. adjective. having extremely favorable qualities
2. adjective. pertaining to a person or thing that is rugged, strong, and/or ready to show these qualities
3. noun. person who is perceived to have the qualities in definition 2

What Makes Me A Bad-Ass!
  1. I am an LMSW 
  2. I am an OH SGL
  3. I am a "Revision"ary
  4. I can go over an hour on the elliptical
  5. I am 296.4lbs as of this morning! 
  6. I write a pretty bad-ass blog!
  7. I am beautiful inside and out.
  8. I am sexy and desirable.
  9. I have integrity.
  10. I am open, honest, empathetic and welcoming to all.
  11. I am a giver.
  12. I can have a drink with the boys and put on make-up with the girls
  13. I have a great sense of self confidence and self worth
  14. I have a group of bad-ass friends that love me unconditionally! 
  15. I met the man of my dreams
  16. I married the man of my dreams
  17. I am on the path to live up to my greatest potential
  18. I take full advantage of my opportunities
  19. I take risks
  20. I have unbelievable insight into myself.
If I sat here for a few more hours I can definitely come up with a much better list but for now 20 will have to do. I will write this list on paper and keep it somewhere that I can add to it as things pop into my head or happen. How is your list shaping up?

Remember we are all bad-ass in one way or another!
in love and support
Sleeve Pixie

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